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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

39 Comments | Add Yours

My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

 

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My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.” Then she says I’m so “pretty or smart or lucky,” and that I have the “coolest clothes.” It annoys me because she’s a great person! I think she insults herself just so I’ll give her compliments. Her parents are divorced, and she always fights with her mom. How can I help?

 

 

Dear Worried,

Your company and compliments, respect and affection are already helping. But you’re right, it’s a shame she spends so much energy putting herself down. You might even mention that the only thing you don’t like about her is that she’s constantly belittling herself.

 

It’s too bad she and her mom are at odds—parents don’t always do all they can to boost kids’ egos and help kids feel wanted and wonderful. Encourage your mom to invite your friend to dinner, and ask Mom to offer some encouragement of her own.

 

Finally, tell your friend that we all have little gnomes on our shoulders—one is kind, one nasty. My nice gnome whispers that I’m positively brilliant. My nasty one sneers that I’m a moron. So I tune out the criticism, and turn up the volume on the praise. We should all try to be the best we can be, but it’s then OK to go ahead and listen to the gnome saying, “Way to go!” That’s my secret to self-confidence. Pass it on.
 
 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/24/2012 12:00:00 AM

POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, good friend, dear carol solves BFF probs, self-esteem, advice from Carol Weston

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Hey Rainbow_rawr, everyone gets a little emotional sometimes. This could just be a phase or something you'll have to work through. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a few deep breaths and calm down. Writing out your feelings might help too. Hope this helps! Xoxo



MOD MOD MOD
I think I'm under stress or something! I keep getting angry and annoyed for everything people do, I dunno it gives me a headache and I feel like I wanna punch them in the face or I just want to scream! Also when people tell me something I feel like their yelling at me and I want to cry! Please help! Lynae P.

report

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/11/2012 8:31:51 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I'm really insecure, I weight (weight omitted by mod), I have acne in my nice, chin and forehead. WORST OF ALL I don't know who I am! HELP ME PLEASE




Hey girl,

Not many people can say they "know who they are" at your age... or 5 years older... or even 10 years older! Life is a process of learning about who you are, what you like, what you don't like, what you deserve, what you want to do, where you want to go, etc. Try to keep an open mind and don't pressure yourself to be a certain thing or act a certain way! Try new things and tackle each issue individually, without convincing yourself it's the end of the world. Like I said, your tween/teen years are all about adjusting - your bod is going through crazy changes, your life is speeding by and you're starting high school/college, AND on top of that you're still learning about your personality. It's not easy, but we're all doing it together! Smile Here are some article categories that might help ya:

- Healthy Recipes, which are a great place to start if you're feeling like you could get healthier/lose weight (But remember - before you decide to lose weight/go on any type of diet, talk to your doctor to make sure you actually need to lose weight and you're doing it in a healthy way.) 

- Workouts, to get you moving and feeling great! Exercise doesn't only get you in shape - it makes you feel more confident, healthier, and happier! We swear! Choose a variety that sound like fun to you and enjoy Smile

- Get Rid of Acne, a whole list of articles to help ya clear up your face and get your confidence back.

<3 <3
Lauren C.

report

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/10/2012 9:22:37 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
My family tells me they want me to be a girly girl, they tell me that when I was little I was cute and girly and now I'm a tomboy and I'm ugly my brother makes fun of my weight, and my acne on my face. What should I do? How can I have a healthy life style?




Hey girlie,

I answered another mod from you with links to lots of articles that will help ya Smile As for your family, the next time they say something that hurts you, try opening up and actually talking to them about how it makes you feel. Don't freak out and don't start an argument - just be calm and honest, telling them it hurts when they tell you to be one way, because you really just want to learn how to be yourself. Tell them you love them and their opinion matters to you, so it hurts when they tell you they don't accept you for who you are. Ask them to support you, not criticize you. I think if they realize that they're not just joking - that their words are actually making you feel bad - they'll think twice next time before they say something so critical <3
Lauren C.

report

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/10/2012 9:21:10 PM

 
 

i can totally relate to your bff

report

by income7thgrader on 7/9/2012 6:59:27 PM

 
 

And it's even more irritating because she's SO pretty! She has red hair and perfect skin and she's really nice . . . I don't get it. It probably doesn't help that I weigh 10 pounds less than her, but I'm not gonna gain weight to make her feel better. She's actually not fat, though she's pretty skinny.

report

by 7200wolfgirl7200 on 7/9/2012 6:26:40 PM

 
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