My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low
self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.”
Then she says I’m so “pretty or smart or lucky,” and that I have the “coolest
clothes.” It annoys me because she’s a great person! I think she insults herself
just so I’ll give her compliments. Her parents are divorced, and she always
fights with her mom. How can I help?
Your company and compliments, respect and affection are
already helping. But you’re right, it’s a shame she spends so much energy
putting herself down. You might even mention that the only thing you don’t like
about her is that she’s constantly belittling herself.
It’s too bad she and her mom are at odds—parents don’t
always do all they can to boost kids’ egos and help kids feel wanted and
wonderful. Encourage your mom to invite your friend to dinner, and ask Mom to
offer some encouragement of her own.
Finally, tell your friend that we all have little gnomes on
our shoulders—one is kind, one nasty. My nice gnome whispers that I’m
positively brilliant. My nasty one sneers that I’m a moron. So I tune out the
criticism, and turn up the volume on the praise. We should all try to be the
best we can be, but it’s then OK to go ahead and listen to the gnome saying,
“Way to go!” That’s my secret to self-confidence. Pass it on.
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/24/2012 12:00:00 AM
POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, good friend, dear carol solves BFF probs, self-esteem, advice from Carol Weston