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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

 

 

My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.” Then she says I’m so “pretty or smart or lucky,” and that I have the “coolest clothes.” It annoys me because she’s a great person! I think she insults herself just so I’ll give her compliments. Her parents are divorced, and she always fights with her mom. How can I help?

 

 

Dear Worried,

Your company and compliments, respect and affection are already helping. But you’re right, it’s a shame she spends so much energy putting herself down. You might even mention that the only thing you don’t like about her is that she’s constantly belittling herself.

 

It’s too bad she and her mom are at odds—parents don’t always do all they can to boost kids’ egos and help kids feel wanted and wonderful. Encourage your mom to invite your friend to dinner, and ask Mom to offer some encouragement of her own.

 

Finally, tell your friend that we all have little gnomes on our shoulders—one is kind, one nasty. My nice gnome whispers that I’m positively brilliant. My nasty one sneers that I’m a moron. So I tune out the criticism, and turn up the volume on the praise. We should all try to be the best we can be, but it’s then OK to go ahead and listen to the gnome saying, “Way to go!” That’s my secret to self-confidence. Pass it on.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/24/2012 12:00:00 AM

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Wow, sounds like my BFF's clone.

by 7200wolfgirl7200 on 7/9/2012 6:25:14 PM

 
 

OMG! This girl sounds EXACTLY like my BFF! I hop to GOD that Carol's advice works on her.

by Glamor#7 on 7/8/2012 11:08:10 AM

 
 

Sounds exactly like a girl that I used to know.
She always put herself down, but still took me down with her. Her focus was always on herself and how "horrible" her life is. She never listened to me. It was all about Gracie.
Whoops! Got overboard, there! Sorry... But give your friend a hug from Mikayla. I'm thinking about her!!!! :*

by mikabean on 7/7/2012 11:47:22 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
How can I be more feminine,I'm 13 I have hair in my arm pits, [down there], bad acne in my nose! I have an obsession for Evanescence I listen to them 24/7 (no joke!) I dress BAD! and I'm (edited by mod) lbs. How can change for the new school year soon. Not only for the school year but I want a healthy life style. I love evanescence I never want to lose my love for them. BUt I can't only listen to them. I' just afraid that if I listen to other people i will lose my love for Evanescence. I'm also very insecure. PLEASE HELP ME!




Hey girlie,

Your love of a band, a certain type of music, a movie or whatever shouldn't define who you are. It's a big part of who you are because it inspires you, makes you happy, and makes you feel safe, but it doesn't have to be the ONLY thing that people know about you! Make an effort to branch out - try new things, join new clubs, talk to new people, and give things a chance, even if you think you'll hate them at first. You might find that the new band or that dress in the store isn't for you, but you also might surprise yourself! The important thing as we're growing up is to stay open minded. You never know how you'll change and grow as you get older, so embrace all the changes and never automatically say "no" to anything if it could be a good growing experience. Be smart and stay away from the dangerous stuff, but take every other chance to enrich your life with new experiences. (Picking up an instrument, taking a dance class, learning to cook, jogging or kickboxing, painting, writing, whatever!) Instead of making your goal "being more feminine," just try to be a good, well-rounded person. Smile
Lauren C.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/5/2012 7:22:21 PM

 
 



MOD!
I have had a crush on a guy for 3 years! Then I when my friend starts showing signs of liking him I started to think, was he my crush or my good friend? I came up with the decision of good friend. When I told my friend this, she instantly confessed to liking him. But I hung out with him for a whole day and all the feelings came flooding back! My friend is going to a different school next year. And part of me is happy and part is ofcourse sad! My crush told me yesterday that he considers my friend just that, a friend!!! I have so many mixed emotions I'm not sure what to do anymore!! HELP!
Confused

 

Hey chica!  Be honest with your friend, just like she was honest with you.  Tell her that you're still crushing, even though you didn't think you were anymore.  She might be okay with it, considering she and this dude won't see each other much once she changes schools.  If she cares majorly, make a pact for both of you to move on.  She'll probably find a new boy at her new school and you'll be determined to find a fresh crush and I bet you'll succeed at it!  xoxo 


Kate G.

by Snoopyfan2015 on 7/5/2012 3:17:00 PM

 
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