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ADVICE | FRIENDS

63 Comments | Add Yours

Friend fight 411: What to do when you're stuck in the middle

 

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You and your two besties have been like the three musketeers since forever. But now, they’re having a huge fight, and you’re caught in between. Here’s how you can stay neutral like Switzerland and hopefully help ease some of the tension, too.

 

 

Your Lips Are Sealed

If one gal confides in you and says what’s bothering her about the other, do not go running to tell her current enemy what’s up. You might end up getting your facts mixed up and just feed the fire, or even worse, the first girl could get mad at you for going behind her back. The best thing to do is to lend a sympathetic ear, and encourage both of the girls to talk straight to each other about finding a solution.

 

Good Guys and Bad Guys

The most important thing you gotta get across to these chickies is that there is no right and wrong side to their argument. Make it clear that you’re not picking sides or pointing fingers about who started it. Even if you’ve got some opinions, keep them to yourself because the main goal is to end this catfight, pronto. If you get involved, it’s only gonna make it more confusing, so do your best to wait it out.

 

Agree to Disagree

If you can, encourage your babes to put their differences behind them for the good of your friendship. They don’t have to figure out exactly who started yelling first or which one of them did wrong; all they need is to move on. Sometimes it’s hard for the fighters to step back and see that their screaming matches are actually pretty pointless, so maybe as an outside observer, you can help them notice how silly their argument really is. This can be tricky because you don’t wanna offend the girls, so make it clear that you’re not trying to be critical of them, just their argument.

 

Personal Bubbles

When all else fails, just give your besties some space. If they insist on butting heads, then maybe you should hang out with your other friends for a few days. Hopefully, the girls will realize that it was more fun when the three of you were laughing and joking together, instead of yelling and dishing out the silent treatment. After some time to chill, they can make peace with each other and you guys can get back to your giggles and girl-talk.

 

Got some good recommendations on how to smooth your friends’ ruffled feathers? Blog about it, babes.

 

 

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BY CARRIE RUPPERT ON 7/5/2012 2:40:00 PM

POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, 411 on fighting with friends, growing apart

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MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Hey i really need some advice. So my two closest friends really don't like each other and one of those friends goes to online school and my other friend goes to school with me and asked me if I wanted to be locker partners with her this year and I said yes but she is such a messy person our locker was nasty and she hasn't been being very. Nice and she is very possessive and controlling of me and my friend who does online school decided she was going to be coming back for 8th grade and asked me to be her locker partner and I said I couldn't be her locker partner because I already promised my other friend I would be her locker partner but I really want to be my onli e school friends locker partner... How do I talk to my friend that I said I was going to be locker partners with about this and If I tell her now she has half of summer to find another locker partner but keep in mind they hate each other... I really need some advice

 

hey! I think that since you already told your messy friend that you would be her partner you should stick with her. You could have said no the first time, but now there's no backing out. Just remember this for next time she asks. 


Helen S.

report

by Roxizzy on 7/17/2012 8:15:30 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I wasnt sure on what column I should ask this on so I'm posting it here. I play on a basketball team (not travel, though) and everyone on the team are people that I am friends with. One of my BFFs plays on the team too, but she disrespects our coach, doesnt focus in practice, insults other teammates' playing even though she isnt such a great player herself, and brings our team down during games. She says she likes being on the team because she gets to see all of her friends. I dont want to sound mean, but she stinks at basketball. She doesnt even show effort at practices or games. She reads when she's on the bench at our games! My teammates and I are sick of putting up with her non-sense. Is there a way that we can plitely ask her to maybe find another sport? Its not like we hate her or anything!




Hey girl, that is annoying, but the best thing you can do is to set a good example for her. It's the coach's job to talk to players about stuff like that, so all you can do is encourage her to participate, give her tips on playing better, and ignore her when she insults your coach or teammates. Hopefully if you guys are being nice and playing well, she'll get the hints to step up her game. 
Carrie R.

report

by cmfox99 on 7/16/2012 1:30:29 PM

 
 

okay so right now im in a fight with my bff or at least i think she was she never invites me over and she didnt talk to me when she came over my house with her friend. and she even invited someone else over to! and didnt talk to me! Should i say bye bye bff or sorry sorry?

report

by lysalove123 on 7/13/2012 1:09:05 AM

 
 

i need help reconnecting with an old friend. I miss being around her and I dont know wht to do. we had drifted apart. she has new friends and one of them does not like me! please help

report

by neo6m on 7/11/2012 1:57:54 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
I have three close friends. One of which is my BFF, and the two of us never fight. However, my two other friends, "Liz" and "Ann" are always arguing and/or fighting about something or other. My BFF and share pretty much the same beliefs about our friendship. Liz and Ann are very sneaky about convincing my BFF to pick sides in one of their squabbles, though. For example, Liz will tweak the story a bit so that my BFF will be on her side. Liz is insecure, and always needs someone to "back her up". Ann does the same thing, and both girls get genuinely offended if my BFF and I dont each pick a side. I hate picking sides because it always ends up 2 on 2 between the 4 of us and I hate disagreeing with my BFF bout something that doesnt even concern us! It stinks to have to hangout with only Liz or only Ann to avoid cat-fights. HELP!




 Hey girl,

Yikes! That sounds like an annoying situation. Does your BFF agree with you about their behavior? You two should agree to not pick sides and stay out of their fights. If one of your friends tries to turn you against the other just say "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Why don't we do something else?" 




best of luck

 
simone s.

report

by cmfox99 on 7/10/2012 1:15:58 PM

 
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