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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

The Scoop: Why you shouldn't settle for "friends with benefits"


 
I’ve gone out with this guy a few times, but it never worked out, even though we have so much in common. Seems when we’re a couple, we don’t talk. When we’re not a couple, we talk all the time. He’s sweet, cute and funny. Is it possible for us to be “friends with benefits”?


Dear Seeker,

Not a good idea. Think about how you might feel if you two were “friends with benefits” and then he asked out another girl for Saturday night? Bad, probably. So why settle? If you two want to go out, make an effort to blast through the awkwardness. If you really aren’t compatible as a couple, then be friends. But don’t complicate matters by adding making-out to the mix. The “benefits” you refer to will feel better with someone you are comfortable enough sharing your emotions with, not just your kisses.
 
 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 10/17/2012 10:00:00 AM

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17 Comments | Add Yours
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MOD MOD MOD MOD
I am dating this guy right now but he goes to a different school then me, i dont want to hurt his feelings but i dont really like him anymore. Meanwhile at my school this guy in my facs class likes me and i kinda like him back, he doesnt know that i know he likes me, my friend is friends with him. The problem is, is that i barley even know the guy and I dont want to hurt my bfs feelings. But my bf doesnt do like anything! We have been going out for six months and he hasnt even kissed me! I just really dont want to hurt him, I also dont know how to break up with him or if its worth to break up with him at this point. Last time i saw him we were at a football game and i was with him and to of my friends and he just sat on his phone the whole time and barley talked. I would talk to him but he would respond like really shortly and then wouldnt say anything else. Hes friends with my friends so its not like hes awkard being around them.

 

Hey crescentdawolf, maybe talk to your bf and ask him how he feels about your relationship. If he wants to try to make it work, give it one more chance. If not, the both of you should move on. Hope this helps! Xoxo 



Lynae P. Lynae P.

by crescentdawolf on 10/21/2012 11:58:13 PM

 
 

Hi Modders!
7th grade is stressful and super busy, my crush is on the opposite side of the room out of earshot, and walking over to him and asking him a question just seems like the most awkward thing to do. What do I do before he gets the impression that I'm not into him?

Hey girl,

Instead of walking to the other side of the room during class, try talking to him between classes, at lunch or after school. Just start a casual conversation about school and let things flow from there! If you want some conversation starters, check out our Ice breakers page for tons of tips Smile http://www.girlslife.com/category/ice-breakers.aspx

Meghan D.

by CornOnTheCobIIV on 10/20/2012 12:05:37 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
There is this really cute guy in my Geometry class. I want to talk to him, but he's a Sophomore... and I'm a Freshman. How do I get him to see me not as just another annoying freshman? What could I say to him?

 

Hey girly, try bringing up something you have in common. Your in the same class so you could talk about that or your homework. You could ask for help on a problem you can't figure out. Or bring up a school activity or a sport.  Once you break the ice, get chatty and start flirting. 

Lauren I.

by natjinx on 10/19/2012 2:24:12 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I was heading to class and this guy that Im pretty sure likes me was trying to keep me from leaving by holding on to my backpack. I didn't want to be late so I swung around backwards to get him off and it pulled him into me and we kissed!!! At first I didn't realize it because it was so fast and I said I am sorry and see ya and went to class. Then I freaked and realized what had happened. He always follows me because he likes me and I thought he was annoying but now I'm starting to like him!!! What can I do to fix the mess I got myself into??? Should i ask him tomorrow if he thinks we kissed? Or should I do something else???

 

Hey Sara3502, I think you should start flirting. I'm pretty sure you guys kissed and I'm pretty sure he liked it. Get ya man girl! Xoxo


Lynae P.

by sara3502 on 10/18/2012 9:16:00 PM

 
 


MOD there's this guy I really like and I think he likes me too but I'm not sure. We text everyday and we both use (: when we text. And he told me that he liked my hair! And said he liked my heart necklace I was wearing, I didn't know guys notices stuff like that! Do you think he likes me?!


Hey Girl! A compliment is always a good thing! If you are always talking and texting, he definitely likes you as a person, but its difficult to say if he "like,likes"


Hannah H.

by FigureSkater08 on 10/18/2012 8:07:26 AM

 
 

Don't have a friends with benefits relationship! It'll just lead to hurt and stress!

by Gabriella123 on 10/17/2012 7:52:52 PM

 
 

Dont get a FWB. I know people who have had those kinds of relationships and it gives you a bad rep because guys talk more than we think. And the article is so right about sharing your intimate moments with a person you care about and not someone just for a quick thrill. But then I know some girls and thats all they want is a FWB, but I dont think its for most of us.

by fashionqn on 10/17/2012 4:48:13 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Katie L.
Is it weird to ask me cousin to hang out though?

 

hey! not really, hes just fam, right?

xoxo 


Katie L.

by ljbdaisy on 10/17/2012 3:25:08 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
Katie L.
Is that weird to ask my cousin to hang out though?

 

Hey girly, I read your sitch. I don't think its weird to ask your cousin to hang, he is family after all. Get a whole group together so you can both meet new people. xoxo. 

Lauren I.

by ljbdaisy on 10/17/2012 3:18:12 PM

 
 

MODMODMODMODMOD
Our school semi formal is coming up soon and I was hoping this one guy I'm friends with would ask me. But it turns out he won't cuz my BGF, who he's also friends with, apparently has a major crush on me! I don't like him that way, but one of my friends has a major crush on my BGF, but we're pretty sure he doesn't like her like that. What should I do? And what advice should I give my friend?

 

 Hey girly, just tell your friend to flirt. You know your BGF the best so tell her what kind of topics he's interested in so she can bring it up. Is he really into football? She can ask him about that. As for him crushing on you, you'll just have to let him down easy. If he asks you to the formal, just explain to him that he's a great best guy friend, but your crushing on someone else and your hoping he asks you. And then cross your fingers that your crush asks you! Be sure to talk to him a lot and get flirting. xoxo

Lauren I.

by Brenna04 on 10/17/2012 3:16:03 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
1)I do sports and clubs at my school but it seems like I never get to meet people from other schools unless it is summer time. Got any tips on how to meet boys from other schools? How I can be friends with boys out of my schools bubble?
2)I have this cousin a year younger than me. (I have 20 something cousins... hes just the one boy around my age) He doesn't go to my school. I really want to meet his friends, how do I ask him about meeting his friends without sounding awkward?
Thxx!!

 

hey chica! I think it's a great idea to meet guys from other schools! You can ask around with your girls and see if they have any friends from other schools, and try and coordinate hanging out with them! If you go through your cousin, tell him youre tired of the kids at your school, and ask if he can get together a couple guys and girls, and you can do the same, and you can all hang out together.

xoxo 


Katie L.

by ljbdaisy on 10/17/2012 3:03:53 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I like this guy and sometimes he seems like he likes me and other times he ignores me he doesn't talk to me that much in school cause he's more popular what shall I ever do?

 

hey girl! boys sure are confusing, aren't they? try talking to him more, about things on a deeper level. his interests, his passions, etc. That way you're not just someone to flirt with, but someone who's a good friend. Then the two of you will be closer and you can hopefully bridge the gap to being a couple!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by Sparklysharpie on 10/17/2012 2:13:01 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I only talked to my crush once on facebook, and it went really well. Now we don't talk to each other at all. We barely make any eye contact. Is it to late for me to be his friend? If not, what do I say to make myself not look awkward?

 

Hey girl! You can always try FB chatting him again. Do you have any classes together? Talk to him about that! Or ask him if he wants to be partners for the upcoming group assignment. The possibilities are endless!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by kittycatmeowmeowchelsea on 10/17/2012 1:26:18 PM

 
 



MOD MOD
I started doing cross country at the beginning of the school year and I was super excited to weigh myself because I thought I would have lost a lot of weight. However, when I weighed myself I discovered I had gained 5 pounds! I'm only 5'3" and I feel so fat! How in the world could I have GAINED weight?

 

Hey girl! Gaining weight doesn't make you fat, especially when your body is still growing! It's also possible you gained a lot of muscle from running, because muscle weighs more than fat.

xoxo 


Katie L.

by rcy9 on 10/17/2012 1:22:38 PM

 
 

Thanks Lauren I. so much!

by WinnieGirlie on 10/17/2012 12:54:10 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!
I'm kind of wanting to shave under my arms, but I know it's a big responsibility, and I'm a dancer, so if I don't do it for a few days, I'll be all gross! I know it's a big commitment, and I can't decide. I have blonde hair, and the hair currently there is blonde. Will it grow back brown? Ugh! I can't decide!

 

Hey girly, if the hair under there makes you uncomfortable, then go ahead and shave it. You'll probably end up doing it eventually anyway, right? Though, it could grow back a darker color, I'm not really sure. But really, shaving under your arms is no bigger responsibility than shaving your legs but since it's a smaller area, it takes less time. Depending on your growth and the color, you might end up having to shave once every other day or once a week. If your not sure if your ready, put the subject to rest and revisit it in a week and see how you feel. There's no rule and its completely up to you. And you don't have to decide this second. Feel free to talk to mom, an aunt, or an older sis.  Good luck!

Lauren I.

by WinnieGirlie on 10/17/2012 12:40:26 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD! Attention, please answer! ANSWER!
Please answer this, I've tried to post it before and it didn't go through! MOD MOD MOD!
I have a few questions about shaving armpits.
1. Does it reduce underarm sweating?
2. If you are a beginner with sensitive skin, what razor is the best?
Thanks! I tried posting before, and it didnt get answered, ever.

 

Hey girl, I'm not sure if it will reduce under arm sweating, but it will illiminate sweat from sticking to hair under there and make you feel cleaner. Use a sharp razor and you'll be less likely to get a tug and pull effect. Make sure your underarms are wet and soapy before you start and just go slow at first till you get the hang of it. Sorry your post wasn't answered before, girly. So glad you got through. xoxox

Lauren I.

by WinnieGirlie on 10/17/2012 12:24:16 PM

 
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