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ADVICE | FRIENDS

27 Comments | Add Yours

5 secrets to dealing with a catty friend

 

Check these out, too...

  • My bestie isn't acting like a very good friend
  • Help! My BFF can't stand my BF
  • My friend sulks if I do better in school than her. Help!
  • 3 times it's OK to tell your bestie's secret
  • Girl Code: Is it OK to date your BFF's crush?
We know you heart your hunnies, but have you ever had a friend that sometimes goes to the dark side? You know, maybe she started offering backhanded compliments or dissing other darlings behind their back. When this babe’s behavior gets to be too much to handle, here’s how to deal.

 

Secret #1 Speak your mind—nicely

Call your chica on her bad behavior, but watch out: Chances are she’ll get majorly defensive. To avoid becoming a target for her sharp tongue, keep your censure polite: “Sally, that was a really mean thing to say—I think it really hurt Sandra’s feelings.”

 

Secret #2 Go straight to the source

When you’re one-on-one with your girl, ask her why she’s said something offensive earlier in the day. Ask leading questions that force her to explain her actions, and avoid passing judgment. Your goal is to figure out what personal insecurities are making her act out, not trying to get her to clam up and see you as the behavior police.

 

Secret #3 Don’t be tempted to join in

Sometimes, other people’s negativity can make us act poorly, too. Don’t give in to peer pressure in this sitch. The thing about putting others down is that it really doesn’t make you feel better—it makes you feel worse. Avoid a major guilt trip by refusing to take part in toxic behavior.

 

Secret #4 Zip your lips

So Sally was talking trash about Sandra when she went to the bathroom during lunch? Don’t tell Sandra, at least not the specifics. It’s important for your gals to know when their friends aren’t acting particularly friendly, but do they need to be made aware of a silly criticism that might make them needlessly self conscious? Absolutely not.

 

Secret #5 Hang with a different friend

There is no bestie rule that says ya can’t break ties with your bud when she’s not being a good friend. If you’ve tried talking to her about how her attitude and behavior makes you and your other friends feel, and she’s not making an effort to change her ways, it might be time to spend some QT with other babes.

 

How to do you deal with catty friends, chicas?

BY BRITTANY TAYLOR ON 10/29/2012 2:06:00 PM

POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, bad friend, 411 on fighting with friends, dealing with jealousy, how can I help my friend, my BFF is so bossy

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27 Comments | Add Yours
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Hey all! I'm really good at giving advice. so if you can trust me, let me know what's been buggin ya lately and maybe I can help ya out! Ask about anything from guys to family and everything you can possibly think of to ask!
Just vist my advice queen page. I'm on every single day. So guess what! NO WAITING!!! Looking forward to helping ya out!

report

by Becca<3's you on 10/29/2012 8:54:07 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!
Hi! I was wondering, is it weird if the girl is fatter than the guy? My friend "Ella" likes a guy named "Josh" and she thinks it would be weird if they dated because she says she is really short and fat compared to him. He is 5' 11'' and she is 5'6''. I keep telling her it doesn't matter what they look like, but she won't believe me! I'd love it if you could give me some reasons or examples to show her that she can date Josh. Please help!
Thanks so much! <3
-Jezebel




Hey girl, it totally doesn't matter. It's personality that counts. Remind her it's about what's on the inside and that she's beautiful (and Josh, should he date her, already believes that). Tell her to focus on letting her inner personality shine and not let appearance stop her from what could be a really good experience and guy!

xoxo 
Alyssa B.

report

by DancePartyChick200 on 10/29/2012 8:49:47 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Me and my friend "Susie" have been drifting since last year when she got into the wrong crowd.... Then in the summer she kinda broke free from them then we became friends again. Everything was fine until I heard roomers that she started getting into bad stuff again and her friends are nice, but the type of people that would get themselves into a bad situation. I really don't know what to do. I have high hopes for the future and I don't want to let her drag me down. I have best friends with her since 4th grade and I'm scared to lose her but I'm also scared to stay her friend. Please help..... I really don't know how to handle this or what to do.




Hey girl, stick to hanging with her one-on-one and if you're legit worried about her, speak up. You don't have to let her fall into this bad path. Let her know you're legit concerned and you want to make sure she realizes what she's doing worries you and others. Aside from that, build up your other groups of friends. You can stick by Susie, but if you're going different ways, it's OK to have different best friends.

xoxo
Alyssa B.

report

by Chrysanthymum on 10/29/2012 8:20:34 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD my two friends and I are trying to figure out our halloween costumes. we (obviously!) only have a day or two left. my one friend Casey is up for whatever me and my other friend Jo pick out. We were gonna buy a costume from party city but they're so expensive! I wanna be creative and make something from what we have at home, but Jo's turning down my ideas like we're too cool for them. like I suggested ballerinas and charlie's angels but she turned them down. first, I don't know what to do about Jo! I wanna do a cute and creative costume but sh keeps turning them down. what should I do? second, can you help me brainstorm for some costume ideas? Preferably something we could do at home. not princesses or superheroes though (so many people already do those!). thanks!! Smile




Hey girl, I'd continue making suggestions and telling her that if you guys use stuff from your closet, you'll be able to invest more in accessories. In terms of ideas, maybe try children's book characters (Madeline's super cute), beauty queens (homecoming dress and sash and crown), or pop stars (Kesha, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry maybe?)

xoxo 
Alyssa B.

report

by thatsnotawkward on 10/29/2012 6:11:17 PM

 
 



MOD!
One of my best friends has an odd relationship with one of my other best friends. "Sally" and "Sara" have had numerous fights where they gossip about each other constantly, though it's mostly on Sally's end, huge text fights with bad language, "private talks" with me about each other (also mostly Sally), and yet they still think of each other as besties. They both think that it is mature to be friends, but I disagree because Sally is always coming to me with complaints about Sara. Isn't this some sort of hint about whether or not they should be friends? I know it's not really my business to tell them who to not be friends with, but Sally is constantly hurting Sara's feelings by criticizing her every move and I hate to see her with her feelings hurt. Is there anything I can do? How to I prevent Sally from sucking me into her cycle of sometimes liking Sara and sometimes dissing her to her face and getting me involved? This is a major party pooper, btw…
Thanks!




Hey girl,  I'd let Sally and Sara decide whether they want to be friends, but there is one thing you can do: tell Sally you'll no longer be the girl in the middle. Tell her that while you appreciate her opening up to you, you don't want to take sides in their relationship. You like them both and it hurts you to hear her say such mean things about Sara. If she continues to go on about Sara, change the subject or ignore it.

xoxo
Alyssa B.

report

by cmfox99 on 10/29/2012 5:18:08 PM

 
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