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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

Should you go for a guy your age or older?


 
Two boys asked me out, and I don’t know which one to go out with. One is 13 (like me), and he is nice and cares for me—but I don’t think he’s cute. The other says he loves me, and he is sooo cute and sweet—but he’s 18.

 

Dear Double Dudes,

Going out with a guy five years older than you is a big mistake at this stage of your life. But that doesn’t mean you have to go out with the other guy, either! Who says you have to pick one of these two dudes? The world is bursting with guys—over 3 billion, to be precise—so there’s no need to make snappy decisions. This is definitely not your last chance at romance. Sometimes, the getting-to-know-a-guy thing is more fun and less complicated than the going-out-with-a-guy thing. BTW, once you get to know the not-so-cute guy a little better, you might find him cuter (or not). Who knows?
 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 1/16/2013 2:00:00 PM

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41 Comments | Add Yours
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mod mod
My friend has totally fallen for an older guy. In my opinion he is the bad boy type but then another friend said I was to harsh and isnt. She seems to have had her eye on him for awhile and has gotten what she wanted but its kind of her first romance and she is totally in love with him, I am not sure if he feels the same. How can I not come off jealous or judgmental about what she is doing and still be a good friend? I know its her life but I dont think she has thought this out.

Hey girlie,

That's a tough situation, because you're concerned for her but don't want to tell her what to do. I would encourage her to speak with a trusted adult such as a parent or other family member, guidance counselor, teacher or doctor about the specifics of her relationship (age difference, etc.) and how she is keeping herself safe. An adult will be able to help her understand her situation better and make sure the relationship is healthy! You could also suggest that he come with you and your friends when you go out together so that you could get to know him better, and hopefully you will see that he is being nice to your friend and treating her well! You could also talk to your own parent or another adult about the best way to talk to her.

Meghan D.

by fashionqn on 4/13/2013 11:29:52 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD!!
Okay so I have a big crush on my brother's best friend and drummer of his band. Whenever we're together, he shows signs of liking me but I'm not sure because he's 2 years older than me! How do I know if he likes me? Also, my brother knows I like him and he seems cool with it so I was thinking about asking him to tell his friend that I like him. Is that a good idea?

Hey girlie,

Check out this article for signs that he might like you: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2012/11/08/How-to-tell-if-he-likes-you-likes-you.aspx?cp=all . And you could have your brother tell him if you want, but if you're not sure if he likes you, there's no rush to do anything! You could always try to get to know him as friends or hang out with him and your brother, and then tell him yourself when you knew each other more. But it's really your decision!

Meghan D.

by kayla99 on 3/1/2013 10:57:42 PM

 
 

Oops I forgot to add. We're in a band together with his siblings and other friends and its getting really awkward in practices. Help

Dancer1414Smile

by dancer1414:) on 2/20/2013 4:06:26 PM

 
 



Okay I asked a friend to go with me to our winter formal. He turned me down so I asked the guy my mom told me likes me. I like him a little but more as an older brother or friend. He wouldn't leave me alone for long at the dance we spent about 15 minutes apart. I gave him a valentine's day card and my number. He texted me to ask if we could hang out over our break. I don't know if were going out. I have never had a decent romantic relationship with guys because I'm busy with schoolwork and barely have time for friends. Also if you have advice on how to start a strong relationship that would be helpful. None of my relationships have worked out and one of us has always ended in heart break. Help!!!
Dancer1414Smile

 

hey girl! first off, if you don't like the guy then don't go out with him. that's my biggest tip. why spend time worrying about a relationship that you don't necessarily want to be in? I know sometimes it's nice to just be in a relationship, but trust me, being single is better than leading this fella on. for any relationship, romantic or not, communication is key. make sure you talk to him about how you feel!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by dancer1414:) on 2/20/2013 4:04:39 PM

 
 

MOD MOD!
I'm band I have a major crush on my section leader. I can't look at him without blushing or looking away. The worse part is that my sister dated him for a couple weeks. I don't know what to do. Frown

Hey girlie,

If you have a crush on your sister's ex, I would definitely talk to her before making a move. She would probably be hurt if you did anything with him without talking to her, so it is better to be honest with her now than to have her find out later!

Meghan D.

by Trumpet7 on 2/11/2013 6:24:30 PM

 
 



Mod MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!!!
I have my Ex's number n i text him as much as possible but one day he told me he has a girlfriend! I told him it was cool but i lied. What should i do

 

Hey girlie, stop texting him. Keep him out of sight and out of my mind. It's time for you to move on to a boy who really likes you for you and only wants to be with you. 


Lauren T.

by Ayumi302 on 2/10/2013 7:37:10 PM

 
 

OK here's the deal. These two boys like me but I don't like neither of them. How do I put them down gently

by BarbieCapricorn12 on 2/6/2013 10:02:53 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod!!!
So, at lunch I sit at the boys table a lot because my BGF is there. So, my old crush would sit there to but I don't sit there because of him. Anyway, my friends think I flirt with everyone there, but all I do is talk to them. I don't flirt with them!! I laugh if they something funny, but that is not flirting. Please help because it is really annoying.

 

Hey girl, I would just brush it off. There is nothing wrong with flirting even if that is what you're doing! Just ignore the comments and keep on enjoying yourself and having fun. Don't care what other people think! 


lauren r.

by Iloveonedirection! on 1/27/2013 10:53:40 AM

 
 



Mod-Friend in Need
My friend is dating an older guy and she is feeling really guilty about things. Not that she doesn't think she shouldn't be going out with him but she is feeling guilty about those urges we get when we have a bf and I think she is kind of worried about them because this is her first love. I told her the urges are natural but she doesn't have to act on them and there are things she can do to get rid of them, but is there anything else I should mention? She is a person who kind of has it together but I can tell she is truly worried that she will mess up even though she has said she is ready.

 

hey! It's really great that you're so concerned for your friend. I think you've told her everything she needs, good luck to you!  


Helen S.

by fashionqn on 1/26/2013 12:50:15 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
So I reeeeeally like this guy. He's a grade above me, and we have one class together. Recently he's been talking to me a lot more often, and trying to get me to laugh a lot. He always trys to annoy me whenever we pass each other in the hallways, and I've caught him glancing at me during class a few times. I'm not totally sure if he likes me or not. What should I do?

 

Hey! It sounds to me like you really like this guy Smile congrats, it can be fun to have a crush. The best way to deal with this is to be his friend and see if something more happens naturally. I have seen so many girls get hurt and ruin friendships because they "had to know" if someone liked them, and they asked the guy about it and made the whole situation awkward. I even did that myself when I was younger. It's better to have a secret crush on your friend than to have a public crush on your ex-friend. good luck!   


Helen S.

by anniemari55 on 1/25/2013 11:28:29 PM

 
 

Okay none of you guys have seen Harold and Maude, have you? Because I remember a lot more of an age gap in that movie (I'm thinking 18 and 80 years old) and unless I'm mistaken, I remember rooting for their love in the movie. Please open your mind.

by fudgemonkey on 1/21/2013 10:08:59 AM

 
 

My aunt had her first boyfriend at 12. He was 17. But because of that her parents sent her to boarding school. They still secretly dated by telling the staff he was her cousin coming to visit until she was 18 and graduated. Then they got married and had five kids and were happy together until the day he died.

by zumba on 1/19/2013 4:56:13 PM

 
 



Mod
I think this kid I'm in 8th grade and he is in 10th grade. I texted him on Sunday and we talked a little bit, the next day I texted him again and we talked for two hours. I skipped Tuesday to not be desperate then I texted him on Wednesday and he still hasn't texted me back. I don't get it he flirts with me a lot time and now he text me back. Plus on Monday when we said bye he said I gtg ttyl like he wanted to talk to me I don't get it. help me please!!!

 

 hey! honestly, you can't expect too much from text conversations because there is zero commitment/accountablity. Maybe he forgot to text you or maybe he feels cold shouldered from Tuesday, but there is no way for you to know, so you should try not to worry about it. instead, you should say hi the next time you see him at school. The door's open since you've been texting, and once you have a real conversation you'll feel more secure in your friendship. good luck! 


Helen S.

by boy crazy<3 on 1/19/2013 1:55:33 PM

 
 

I think this kid I'm in 8th grade and he is in 10th grade. I texted him on Sunday and we talked a little bit, the next day I texted him again and we talked for two hours. I skipped Tuesday to not be desperate then I texted him on Wednesday and he still hasn't texted me back. I don't get it he flirts with me a lot time and now he text me back. Plus on Monday when we said bye he said I gtg ttyl like he wanted to talk to me I don't get it. help me please

by boy crazy<3 on 1/19/2013 1:47:20 PM

 
 

13 and 14 ok
13 and 15 ok
13 and 16 ok
13 and 17 maybe ok
13 and 18 prob not ok

He can do things you cant because of his age.
People will probably talk.
His body is way more developed. And thats a good thing but he is probably ready for things you may not be ready for.

by fashionqn on 1/18/2013 10:28:16 PM

 
 



Mod Mod Mod
Is it weird for a girl to date someone a few years older thn her? (15 and 18)

 

Hey sassykinz, I think 18 is a little old for a 15 year old. 18 is basically and adult, and at 15 you're just starting high school. Xoxo Smile  


Lynae P.

by sassykinz on 1/18/2013 6:49:28 PM

 
 

13 and 18 is a huge difference- not to mention it's illegal. But I do have a thing for juniors... I'm a freshman... but that's only two years...

by unicornninja on 1/18/2013 4:36:57 PM

 
 

I believe the main problem with dating someone way older then you like that is the fact that he could be ready for things you aren't, things that will be okay for him before you, like drinking. Also, a boy that is way older then you like that could also be ready to do things you are waaay not ready for, and may end up regretting.

Just some words for though!

by giraffehusky on 1/18/2013 2:16:44 PM

 
 

Im 13 and dating a 16 year old and have never been so happy in my life he is the sweetest guy in the world and I'm happy I'm with him Smile

by svangorder on 1/18/2013 12:04:22 PM

 
 

Dating someone like a year older then you is fine, bit 13 and 18?! WOW!

by ColosalMascara on 1/17/2013 7:54:17 PM

 
 

I like a guy who is a year younger than me. My friends think I'm crazy because: I'm older, He is missing a finger and he has a twin. I don't care if he is a twin, if he is missing a finger or that I'm older. I just like him for who he is. I need help, SOON!

by mamabear162 on 1/17/2013 7:19:01 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
There's this guy I like, and all my friends tease me saying he likes me back. I don't know for sure if he really DOES, but I'm too nervous to ask! Lately the teasing is getting worse. HELP

 

hey! If telling them to stop doesn't work, just start ignoring them. they'll lose interest and take some of the pressure off. good luck! 


Helen S.

by blueangelxoxo on 1/17/2013 7:14:25 PM

 
 

Its so easy to fall for older guys. I know many people dating older guys than they should, some with permission from their parents and some not. I wish there wasnt an issue with age because a lot of the older guys are just hotter and more exciting than guys our own age. Not that older guys arent immature but guys in general they just seem that way and younger guys arent even ready to date and have fun.

We could all hook up with an older guy like one of the main characters is doing in the Carrie Diaries but that would upset our rents.

by fashionqn on 1/17/2013 3:55:42 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
So I like this guy ( lets call him A)who I'm pretty sure likes me back and I have a little feelings for his friend (lets call him B). So one day I hugged B and when I turned back around A was staring at me with a jealous look and now I don't know if he's mad at me or not. What should I do?

 

Hey chica,

Well- who do you like more? If you're feelings fall more toward A then you'll probably wanna talk to him and figure out what he's feelings. It's possible that he is super upset about the hug between you and B, especially if he has strong feelings for you. Xoxo 


Alexis G.

by ilove_nerds143 on 1/17/2013 2:08:33 PM

 
 



MOD! MOD MOD!!!
There is this guy I like, but one of my good friends likes him too. I don't want to tell her that I like him because I think it will be awkward between us. She is the same age as the boy I like, and she spends a lot more time with him then I do, does that mean she has a better chance than me?

 

Hey girlie, it doesn't mean she has a better chance. Just put yourself out there so that you can spend more time with him and get to know him better. Even though he knows her better, it doesn't mean he's interested in her in that way. 


Lauren T.

by happygirl5457 on 1/16/2013 8:04:31 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD one of my friends is starting to ignore me. I think she's trying to give me hints that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I miss her, but my mom thinks she's a bad influence and that it's okay. I'm not even sure if my friend wants to ditch me for sure! Help!

 

Hey girlie, just keep acting normal and see if she keeps ignoring you. If she's not paying attention to you anymore or keeping up with you, it's probably best for you to move on. You deserve friends who love you and want to spend time with you! 


Lauren T.

by PuppyCT on 1/16/2013 7:39:33 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Is it normal for your breasts to itch I haven't changed my laundry
Detergent so it can't be that for some reason they just start
Itching really bad

 

Hey girlie, there must be something bothering them. It could be your bras or maybe the material of your shirts. Make sure that everything you're wearing over them is comfortable and fits well. 


Lauren T.

by redvelvetluv on 1/16/2013 6:58:15 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!
My BGF(Let's call him A) likes my friend(Let's call her B). My crush also likes B, but I asked A to ask my crush who he liked. So my crush told A that he liked B. And now they both like B. But my crush and B's relationship are like me and A's relationship, a brother and sister kinda relationship. I feel like I should tell my crush that I like him. What should I do?!?! PLEASE HELP.

 

Hey girlie, it might be a good idea to lay low for a while. Give him some time since you know he likes B and maybe she'll reject him or he'll get over you and then you can focus on him. 


Lauren T.

by megagirrl on 1/16/2013 6:51:26 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I know for a fact my crush's best friend, who is a guy, doesn't like me. I annoy him and I'm not purposely trying to. I'm afraid that my crush wouldn't ever like me as a crush or go out with me if he's best friends doesn't "approve" of me. What should I do?

 

Hey girlie, just because he's not your biggest fan, it doesn't mean he wouldn't want his friend to be happy with you. I don't think it's anything to worry about at this point. 


Lauren T.

by bratz911 on 1/16/2013 6:49:17 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I have two things to ask about. 1 I really like a guy, he's 2 years older then me. He's super sweet and nice and he talks to me and all but how will I know if he actually likes me? And 2, I have really dark facial hair like a 'mustache', my friends are being mean about it lately. Is there any way other then waxing or using tweezers? Thanks

 

Hey girlie, 1. just pay attention to the way he acts around you. Does he pay more attention to you than he does to other girls? Does he look at you for long periods of time? 2. You could try bleaching the hair above your lip. You'll have to get it done professionally or do it very carefully yourself for good results. 


Lauren T.

by jerjer6 on 1/16/2013 6:33:03 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!
What are some signs that your best guy friend likes you? I'm falling real hard for mine and we flirt tons & hang out often, but anything specific I should look for? Thanks! x

 

Hey girlie, pay attention to the way that he looks at you and the way he acts around you. If he looks at you longer than a normal person would or touches you somewhere like your arm or back when he talks to you, there's a chance he might like you. 


Lauren T.

by ziirnn on 1/16/2013 6:24:05 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!

 

Hey girlie, there are no rules when it comes to age! Nothing says that you have to be younger. It's absolutely ok for you like a younger boy!


Lauren T.

by maggie183 on 1/16/2013 6:17:35 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
Is one year a big age difference? for example
If a girl is 15 and her crush is 16

 

Hey girlie, one year is nothing to worry about! It's barely even a difference. 


Lauren T.

by redvelvetluv on 1/16/2013 6:00:06 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Hi. In November I had a major surgery on my back. I had to, obviously, stay out of school until January until I fully recovered. Since then, I've changed... A LOT. My self esteem is low,(Like really low), I feel like I have no friends. I started crying yesterday in front of my mom because I feel like no one likes me. My best friend live 1,000 miles way...I've acted "depressed" I'm not as happy as I used to be. I'm over stressed with school work(my grades have dropped) and I just want to go back to the old me. My self esteem is so low i feeel like I shouldn't eat because I'd get so fat. I feel like I need help. I need someone to talk to. other than my mom or school Counselor...they aren't helpful.

 

Hey girlie, your mom and school counselor are your only free resources other than a help line (which might be a good idea). You could try talking to a therapist to see if that helps. Just try to be positive. Despite bad things going on around you, you have some say in your outlook on life. Choose to be positive and try to be happy. 


Lauren T.

by princesschick1999 on 1/16/2013 5:58:38 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
SO theres a dance coming up. Its a girls ask guys. I really want to ask my crush but we don't talk at all we stare at each other but not talk. So I'm afraid if I ask him and he says yes then we will have nothing to talk about at the dance when we dance and are together. Should I ask him or not?

 

Hey girlie, ask him! The worst that happens is he says no or find out that you're not compatible after all. At least then you know. 


Lauren T.

by HockeyLuver on 1/16/2013 5:53:57 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod!!!
Please help! My schools dance is coming up in 2 weeks. I know a guy who Im going to ask the problem? I tried today to ask between passing time but I couldn't do it. I was thinking about it all during class and I felt sick. I do really want to go w/ him but when it comes down to actually asking him I freak out. The problem is now I'm afraid another girl is going to ask him. How do I just ask him?

 

Hey girlie, you just have to be brave and go for it! Believe me, I know that it's hard to do. But if he says yes it'll be worth it. And the worst thing he can do is say no, which might hurt a little, but there's no damage done. 


Lauren T.

by Icecreamluver on 1/16/2013 5:10:58 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
what about going for a guy 2 years older? is that okay? (i.e. freshie going for jr)

 

hey girl! as long as you're comfy with it I say you're fine. you're both under 18 and 2 years isn't a big diff. good luck!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by alindgren on 1/16/2013 4:46:13 PM

 
 

join my club "Beauty Tips & Tidbits"! just starting out, all officer/council positions are open. apply now!Smile

Today's Beauty Tip and the Quote of the Week are posted on the club page!

by alindgren on 1/16/2013 4:44:09 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod
My crush is really showing that he's into me lately. He's been joking around with me more than usual and staring at me a lot. I would love to make him my bf, the only problem is my mom. When he first started flirting with me, my mom was like "tap his shoulder back! That would be cute!" and she kept on saying how cute he acts around me, like she was supporting everything! But once I started flirting back, she's been calling me boy crazy and that I'm too young to be "flirty" like that. My younger sister makes fun of me about it, and my mom agrees that I'm being too flirty. The only things I do: tap his shoulder when he does something funny,smile at him,look him in the eyes, and occasionally stand next to him. I don't see that as being too flirty. How can I convince my mom to let us have a group date (over my house). It's not like we'll be gone, we'll be in the house with some friends. How do I tell her that?

 

hey girl! it can be tough for parents to accept that us girls grow up. talk to her in a mature and kind way and ask if it'd be alright if some friends came over. list off the names, and include his. see what she says!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by kittycatmeowmeowchelsea on 1/16/2013 4:19:21 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!
I just found out maybe a couple of days a go that my bgf and one of my other good friends have gotten closer! Im fine with that but heres the sitch, so basically my best guy friend has been telling her like everything and he even asked her if he should ask this girl out! I knew nothing about it until she came and told me. She's been telling me everything that I've never even heard from him. I recently found out from her that he used to like her and it's true! Im so shocked and now she's been telling me the lovey dovey stuff he's been saying to her over text. He even told her in front of me not to tell me. To make it worse there always together hanging out walking to classes and talking nonstop! I've talked to him bout it and he's still not getting it! What's going on?

 

hey chica! man that really stinks. sometimes we drift apart from our friends and theres not much we can do. you deserve better than a BGF whos going to keep secrets from you! I know its tough but see what you can do to move on.

xoxo 


Katie L.

by zebranista<3 on 1/16/2013 3:57:20 PM

 
 

OMG?!?! EIGHTEEN?! im 13 and my crush is 13 but Harry Styles is 18 so I don't feel that bad any more for liking him. Hey that also means i could go out with him! Eeeek.

by pinklol56 on 1/16/2013 3:29:37 PM

 
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