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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

30 Comments | Add Yours

I called my bud's school "skanky" and now she's fuming

 

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My BFF is mad because she wanted me to meet her at her school and I said, “I don’t want to go to your skanky school!” She started yelling at me, but whenever she says anything about her school, she always calls it a “skanky school.” I don’t know why she’s so upset.

 

 

Dear Now I’m Mad Too,

When friends complain about their school (or sibling or grandparent), they usually want you to sympathize rather than agree and repeat their words. If someone says her sister is selfish, listen, but don’t nod and say, “I never liked her.”

 

Call your friend and say, “Let’s not stay mad, okay? I’m sorry for what I said, and I’ll meet you anywhere you want.” It’s easier to apologize and move on than to harbor bad feelings and obsess.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

To order Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You, click here.
To order The Diary of Melanie Martin, click here.

 

 

BY CAROL WESTON ON 1/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, dear carol solves BFF probs, 411 on fighting with friends, advice from Carol Weston

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MODMODMODMOD
So lately my "best" friend (I'm not even sure anymore...) has been really manipulative and saying such mean things about other girls. She calls them really mean names that I don't think anyone deserves to be called, and she blames all her problems on everyone else. I'm so sick of it, but I also know she's going through a really hard time, and she's very insecure. Ughh....help?

 

Hey! Things like this can be really awkward, but honestly the best thing to do in the long run is to discuss your frustration with your friend. It'll keep you from bottling up resentment and getting angry at your friend, seemingly out of nowhere. You can gauge your friend's reaction when you talk to her. Does she flare up instantly and push all the blame your way, or does she seem willing to talk things out? That's a good way to see how much she values your friendship, if she doesn't, it may be best for both of you to find other friends. I really hope this helps!  


Helen S.

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by summergirl21 on 1/19/2013 1:02:53 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
My best friend has a sister the same age as mine , and when two of us want to hang out, we're all expected to hang out together. I have more than one friend, and they like the same stuff as me too. But my best friend doesn't like the same stuff, and now it feels like whenever the other three all gang up on me!!! I moved away, but whenever we skype, she always focuses on her, and all the stuff she's won! I always end up with hurt feelings, because both sisters always treat her the best and ignore me. When I was sick, they started a band together, and didn't tell me for 8 months!!! And then they said that they didn't want me to join, because (they thought) I cant sing!!! But the other two sisters (not mine) have been taking voice lessons for 4 years, and I usually end up listening to them brag. What should I do?

Hey girlie,

I would try talking to your friends and be honest with them about hurting your feelings. They might not know they're making you feel that way! Next time they tell you about the cool stuff they're doing, make sure you're being supportive, but tell them about what's going on in your life, too! If they don't want to listen, you might want to try finding a few new friends to spend time with in addition to those girls. And even if you're not in the band, you could still do other fun stuff with them! You don't have to have the same talents to be friends, so try supporting the band and telling them about your abilities too Smile

Meghan D.

report

by Santana65 on 1/18/2013 10:37:27 PM

 
 

At least you didnt call your friend "skanky", could you imagine if you did that by accident. And just because she called her school skanky, doesnt mean you can too. She probably has reasons for calling it that and maybe she doesnt think you know the whole story and thinks you are actually calling her skanky.

report

by fashionqn on 1/18/2013 10:15:13 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
My best friend and I fight over the stupidest things but today she was saying "uve been a bit immature lately not that i care but i noticed" because we were talking bout something I said to a friend and I felt bad about it, I was going to say sorry to him when I saw him next time but still felt bad. She supposed to be my best friend and shes commenting on my maturity on that. It really annoyed me. So I started getting angry and she stopped replying cause she doesn't want to fight. But its seriously annoying me. We've been fighting a lot and I'm really just getting tired of her. She seems to think being mature all the time is right. I can understand to be mature in certain situations but being mature all the time is growing up too fast, I want to enjoy my time when I can be immature before I'm an adult and need to be mature. Its seriously annoying me about her, fighting and her trying to be mature basically all the time, what should I do?

Hey girlie,

Maybe she was just concerned for your friend, though there are definitely better ways to handle it. Try having a calm conversation where you tell her that you understood where she was coming from but that you wish she would express her concern in a more constructive way, because it hurts your feelings when she calls you immature. If you both explain your side it will help you get along in the future!

Meghan D.

report

by HockeyLuver on 1/18/2013 9:04:31 PM

 
 

This doesn't have anything to do with the article but the lady who answers the questions her name is Carol Weston and I know a pony named Weston! lol just saying

report

by cupcakecutie325 on 1/18/2013 7:45:34 PM

 
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