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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

I called my bud's school "skanky" and now she's fuming

 

 

 

My BFF is mad because she wanted me to meet her at her school and I said, “I don’t want to go to your skanky school!” She started yelling at me, but whenever she says anything about her school, she always calls it a “skanky school.” I don’t know why she’s so upset.

 

 

Dear Now I’m Mad Too,

When friends complain about their school (or sibling or grandparent), they usually want you to sympathize rather than agree and repeat their words. If someone says her sister is selfish, listen, but don’t nod and say, “I never liked her.”

 

Call your friend and say, “Let’s not stay mad, okay? I’m sorry for what I said, and I’ll meet you anywhere you want.” It’s easier to apologize and move on than to harbor bad feelings and obsess.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

To order Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You, click here.
To order The Diary of Melanie Martin, click here.

 

 

BY CAROL WESTON ON 1/18/2013 12:00:00 AM

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30 Comments | Add Yours
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MOD MOD MOD~~!!!

Oh thanks!!!

by Poophead234 on 2/3/2013 8:49:26 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!
Hey, so how do you become a moderator for GirlsLife.com? I would like to know if I can. Thank you!!!

 

Hey girlie, to be a moderator you have to be at least 18 and apply to be a moderator through the website. Mods are hired on an as-needed basis. 


Lauren T.

by iloveonedirection! on 2/3/2013 8:38:40 PM

 
 

Well, ok can you help me? I really want my cell phone back ( haven't had it for over a year now)! We switched plans last year from t-mobile to Verizon and now I don't have a cell phone! My big sister has a iPhone 5 and so dose my mom and my dad! I'm jealous of my sister and all of my friends! It makes me not want to hang out with them they are always on there phones and I'm just siting there! I asked my mom a couple months after we switched and she stared to act like a spastic and se said that I don't need a cell cuz no one talks to me... NOT TRUE!!!!!! They know that I don't have a cell so they don't bother!!!! Anyway she has been complementing me on how I have been working hard on chores and school. Should I ask her or should I wait till she gives me a cell phone(least likely). Pleas help.

by Pandalover87 on 1/27/2013 2:25:53 AM

 
 




MOD!!!MOD!!MOD!!
I'm 12 and I know that's young but I've never been liked by a boy! All of the girls in my school have someone who likes them and some have bfs I'm so sad and I feel like an ugly piece of road kill nobody wants. I feel unattractive because if I think anyone likes me I'm wrong!! I

 

Hey Fufucakes, well calm down girly. You're only 12, which is sooooo young. You have your whole life for a boy to like you, and trust me they will come. It's more important that you love yourself, because if you don't, no one else will. So get some confidence, and maybe become friends with some of the guys you like and see what happens. Hope this helps! Xoxo


Lynae P.

by Fufucakes on 1/25/2013 5:19:07 PM

 
 

This is old. I saw the exact Q & A a long time ago in the magazine............ like random!

by sarahaqua17 on 1/21/2013 11:05:31 PM

 
 



mod mod mod mod mod I NEED ways to make money. I recently turned 14. Help??

Hey chica, how about babysitting?  Also- here's an article about "How to turn your hobbies into hundreds."  Good luck bringin' in the dough!  


Karin E.

by MusicIsLove123 on 1/21/2013 10:43:06 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I'm doing a group project at school. My friend, let's call her Kara, had the whole draft in her notebook, but she was absent and left it at school. I'm supposed to type it up. I emailed her to ask if she could send it to me so I could type it up, but she said that she didn't have her notebook. I have to have it ready by Tuesday and I only have one part of it in my notebook. What should I do?

 

Hey girlie, send your teacher an e-mail to explain the situation to her after you ask the girl if she can try to redo it to send to you. Hopefully Kara will be able to come up with something and if not maybe you can get an extension.


Lauren T.

by SelG4Ever on 1/20/2013 7:14:58 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD!!

Thanks so much!! Also, he had a crush on me, (and I think he still does because he flirts with me lol) anyway, we were nothing more!! Thanks so much!

by iloveonedirection! on 1/20/2013 6:00:58 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!
My BGF and I are SUPER close!! We've known each other since we were in strollers. LITERALLY! Anyway, one of my frenemies are in the grade below us. But remember, we are still in sixth grade and she is in fifth grade and that is still elementary school. So, she and him are dating, and it seems he doesn't really like her. They don't see each other a lot and on Facebook, all she writes is "I <3 him" or "I love my boyfriend!". Our school is REALLY small so it's not like we never see each other. Also, we have lunch together, (including his girlfriend) and whenever I sit by the boys, (I always sit with the boys) I would sit by my BGF. She would get all jealous and stuff. I'm not jealous but I am worried that she might take away our friendship. Please help!

 

Hey girlie, if she starts to be a problem and you notice your friend taking steps to spend less time with you, say something. Talk to his gf and tell her that you're not interested in him like that and you just want to be friends. Hopefully she'll understand and stop being so jealous.


Lauren T.

by iloveonedirection! on 1/20/2013 5:49:57 PM

 
 

HEY GIRLS! LISTEN UP! PLEASE JOIN MY CLUB SENIORS OF 2016!! THE LINK IS ON MY PROFILE OR HERE. http://www.girlslife.com/Club.aspx?id=11867 THANKS!! (: <3

by ljbdaisy on 1/20/2013 11:14:34 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
I need some help. So, my best friend and I have been like sisters since I was 5. I mean, we've known each so long it is hard not to. Well, this guy she really likes gave her his number, and she was so excited and she texted me. Well, I replied, "That's awesome!". Then she replied, "IKR! I mean, I'm so pretty!" And then she sent a picture of herself.
That made me feel bad. I feel like over the past two years she has gotten more superficial, and it seems like all she cares about is how she looks and if she has enough clothes. I know she has been having family problems, but not bad enough to change her this much. She has gotten kind of stuck-up and self-absorbed, and it is driving me crazy! What happened to me best friend? I even told her a big secret, and she told everyone. I feel like I can't trust her anymore. Frown

 

 hey! I'm sorry you and your friend are drifting apart. That's really hard to go through. Sometimes it's just a phase and sometimes people really do change, and it's hard to tell right now. The best thing to do is to tell you when you feel upset or when she does things that make you lose trust in her. It may cause conflict but that can be good in the long run if it leads to a mutual realization that you guys just aren't good for each other anymore. Without communication, situations like this can get really messy. good luck to you!


Helen S.

by awesomegirl4everandalways on 1/19/2013 1:38:23 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
My best guy friend and I have been getting into a lot of fights. I'm mad because whenever we're at school he won't talk to me he only talks to the popular crowd unless he's alone he talks to me. When we're outside of school we text like 24/7. Yesterday night I told him I was sick of that. That I don't want a friendship that only works with phones. He said 'okay' and I said 'goodbye then.' But now I miss him and I want to text him and talk to him but what I said was true. Before all this happened I talked to my mom she said he was only playing with me and wouldn't talk to me at school because he doesn't want the populars to see him talk to me. I also talked to my best friend and she said it's better to ignore him. On Friday he said hi to me at school (when we was alone) and I ignored him. When I want to be playful and act mad to happy he says I'm moody and get's mad and tells me that everyone doesn't like me because of that. I don't know what to do, HELP!

 

hey! take the high road and say hi to him at school and strike up a conversation, just like you would with a text but in person. Try talking to him around these popular kids and see what he does. If he ignores you, that's just rude and you should forget about him. I really hope this helps! 


Helen S.

by Angelsfall on 1/19/2013 10:30:30 AM

 
 

Mod mod modmodmod
Thanks Jenn S
Smile

by Wishing13 on 1/19/2013 7:16:15 AM

 
 



MOD!one of my bffs has been irritating me sooo much lately. she didnt change her behavior or anything she just once called me dull and boring which she always does. i didnt tell her but it really hurt me. i dont wanna tell her cause lately she's been kinda happy when i was angry or hurt. i tried to take a break from her for a little while but it didnt work, she still really irritates me.but i dont wanna end our friendship cause then i wont have close friends at school(my other bff doesnt go to my school). please i really need help Frown

 

Hey! In that case you just have to be vocal when she upsets you. This is about a power dynamic in your friendship. When she puts you down she's starting to feel good about herself. Don't let her get away with it, or let the dynamic develop into a pattern. Speak up when she insults you and she will back down. If she gets defensive or says she's just joking/ tries to tell you your feelings aren't valid, remember she's just trying to maintain control over your feelings, which are always valid, no matter what she says. She will stop if you continue to stand up for yourself. 


Helen S.

by mininami28 on 1/19/2013 3:19:19 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
My friend has been meeting guys online in chatrooms. Her parents caught her once and the guy was a total creep but she didn't believe them. She even gave him her address. Her parents took away her internet for a month but now she's back to her old ways. I tried to tell her that online relationships can be dangerous, but she accused me of being judgmental and told me to stay out of her life. I'm worried about her. What should I do?

 

Hey! Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do since you've told your friend that her behavior is dangerous. You can't stop her, but you can tell her parents if this keeps up and you know about it. She may see it as a betrayal now, but her safety is more important. I urge you to tell someone if you find out she's giving out personal info online.    


Helen S.

by smileygirl567 on 1/19/2013 3:08:44 AM

 
 



MODMODMODMOD
So lately my "best" friend (I'm not even sure anymore...) has been really manipulative and saying such mean things about other girls. She calls them really mean names that I don't think anyone deserves to be called, and she blames all her problems on everyone else. I'm so sick of it, but I also know she's going through a really hard time, and she's very insecure. Ughh....help?

 

Hey! Things like this can be really awkward, but honestly the best thing to do in the long run is to discuss your frustration with your friend. It'll keep you from bottling up resentment and getting angry at your friend, seemingly out of nowhere. You can gauge your friend's reaction when you talk to her. Does she flare up instantly and push all the blame your way, or does she seem willing to talk things out? That's a good way to see how much she values your friendship, if she doesn't, it may be best for both of you to find other friends. I really hope this helps!  


Helen S.

by summergirl21 on 1/19/2013 1:02:53 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
My best friend has a sister the same age as mine , and when two of us want to hang out, we're all expected to hang out together. I have more than one friend, and they like the same stuff as me too. But my best friend doesn't like the same stuff, and now it feels like whenever the other three all gang up on me!!! I moved away, but whenever we skype, she always focuses on her, and all the stuff she's won! I always end up with hurt feelings, because both sisters always treat her the best and ignore me. When I was sick, they started a band together, and didn't tell me for 8 months!!! And then they said that they didn't want me to join, because (they thought) I cant sing!!! But the other two sisters (not mine) have been taking voice lessons for 4 years, and I usually end up listening to them brag. What should I do?

Hey girlie,

I would try talking to your friends and be honest with them about hurting your feelings. They might not know they're making you feel that way! Next time they tell you about the cool stuff they're doing, make sure you're being supportive, but tell them about what's going on in your life, too! If they don't want to listen, you might want to try finding a few new friends to spend time with in addition to those girls. And even if you're not in the band, you could still do other fun stuff with them! You don't have to have the same talents to be friends, so try supporting the band and telling them about your abilities too Smile

Meghan D.

by Santana65 on 1/18/2013 10:37:27 PM

 
 

At least you didnt call your friend "skanky", could you imagine if you did that by accident. And just because she called her school skanky, doesnt mean you can too. She probably has reasons for calling it that and maybe she doesnt think you know the whole story and thinks you are actually calling her skanky.

by fashionqn on 1/18/2013 10:15:13 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
My best friend and I fight over the stupidest things but today she was saying "uve been a bit immature lately not that i care but i noticed" because we were talking bout something I said to a friend and I felt bad about it, I was going to say sorry to him when I saw him next time but still felt bad. She supposed to be my best friend and shes commenting on my maturity on that. It really annoyed me. So I started getting angry and she stopped replying cause she doesn't want to fight. But its seriously annoying me. We've been fighting a lot and I'm really just getting tired of her. She seems to think being mature all the time is right. I can understand to be mature in certain situations but being mature all the time is growing up too fast, I want to enjoy my time when I can be immature before I'm an adult and need to be mature. Its seriously annoying me about her, fighting and her trying to be mature basically all the time, what should I do?

Hey girlie,

Maybe she was just concerned for your friend, though there are definitely better ways to handle it. Try having a calm conversation where you tell her that you understood where she was coming from but that you wish she would express her concern in a more constructive way, because it hurts your feelings when she calls you immature. If you both explain your side it will help you get along in the future!

Meghan D.

by HockeyLuver on 1/18/2013 9:04:31 PM

 
 

This doesn't have anything to do with the article but the lady who answers the questions her name is Carol Weston and I know a pony named Weston! lol just saying

by cupcakecutie325 on 1/18/2013 7:45:34 PM

 
 

Hey girls!!!
Come ckeck out my clubs! "School Girls Smile" or "Total Princesses"!!! I also have an advice queen page and feel free to ask me anything on my profile and I will answer you ASAP!!!!!! I hope I can help! (just tell me in your question if you want my answer to be posted on your profile or mine! iF you don't say or your profile is invisible then I will just post the answer on mine ok?)

by cupcakecutie325 on 1/18/2013 7:43:47 PM

 
 

that is like, common social knowledge. I am not very good at socially interacting and am introverted but you should never agree with something like that!

by Glitterheart16 on 1/18/2013 6:51:58 PM

 
 

I would have said if you say it's "skanky" then don't expect me not to say anything! Not that I'm that kind of person but c'mon if you don't want someone to say something don't say it yourself!

by puddinface7 on 1/18/2013 6:14:59 PM

 
 

Join my club Its all about Fashion adn Beauty. There are 2 positions opena dn the application is on my profile page. We will have a outfit of the day and a tip of the day, everyday!!! I can't wait to see you on my club(:

by nazirah817 on 1/18/2013 5:41:05 PM

 
 

The girl in the picture looks like Angelina Jolie

by teampeetapercy on 1/18/2013 4:00:32 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
When i try logging on at the top of the site, it doesn't work, but when i try to add a comment and it says to sign in or register and i click sign in, it works! why?

 

Hey dramatiicstar, mhmm I'm not sure girly. Check and see if the same thing happens tomorrow. At least you can log in for now! Xoxo Smile 


Lynae P.

by dramaticstar on 1/18/2013 3:53:37 PM

 
 

join my club, "Beauty Tips & Tidbits"! just starting out, all council/officer positions are available, apply today!Smile more info on the club page!

there is a Tip of the Day, as well as a Quote of the WeekSmile can't wait to have you join!Smile xoxo

by alindgren on 1/18/2013 12:03:02 PM

 
 

MODMODMODMODMOD!!! MOD!!!
hi, ok so I live in NJ and my parents are going to put me in a school in KC. I'm really nervous since i know no one there and i will be staying at a host home. The school is the best choice for me but i have never been to a school so far away or slept somewhere for six months with out my family there..... I don't know what to do. or what to pack for the first trip there (my family will be shipping the rest of my stuff to me) but still what should i bring on my first trip. I'm so scared. thanks in advance

 

Hey hun, I hope you've let your parents know how nervous you are, they can help you out the best! I'd def pack the essentials and something comfy and cute to sleep in and at least one nice outfit since you don't know exactly what you'll be doin once your there. Just be yourself and stay positive! Good luck! 

Jenn S.

by wishing13 on 1/18/2013 10:44:48 AM

 
 

No duh.

by WinnieGirlie on 1/18/2013 10:19:43 AM

 
 

I hate to be offensive but that was really mean of you!

by pinklol56 on 1/18/2013 7:37:56 AM

 
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