Fighting with your boyfriend can be frustrating, especially when you might catch yourself thinking that this could be the end. It’s sometimes hard to keep your cool, but there are ways to confront the problem productively. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? How can a confrontation be productive? Chances are, if you’re arguing in the first place, then something in the relationship needs to be fixed. If you avoid these mistakes, you’re sure to have a constructive discussion, not a destructive one.
What you’re doing wrong: Keeping your mouth shut.
How to fix it: Speak up.
As much as we wish our guys could read our minds during a spat,
the truth is that they can’t. Expecting them to will only make the fight worse.
Be sure to voice why you are upset, and how he can fix it. Voicing your
frustrations will show that you’re serious about the problem.
What you’re doing wrong: You fight in public.
Hot to fix it: Keep your business private.
No one likes to see couples squabbling, so try and keep it
away from your friends. Bickering in public is only going to start things off
on the wrong foot and make you both frustrated. Your guy will feel embarrassed
and awkward, and you two won’t be able to say the things you truly want to say.
Not to mention, waiting till you’re home may give you a li’l time to cool off.
What you’re doing wrong: You won’t listen to him.
How to fix it: Open up to what he has to say.
Communication is key in a relationship, so you have to
listen to what your guy has to say when you two are fighting—just like he has
to listen to what you have to say. Shutting down every word he say’s isn’t
going to get you anywhere, so be sure to listen to his side of the story. You
might start to understand his perspective a little more, and vice versa.
What you’re doing wrong: You bring up old stuff.
How to fix it: Keep it in the present.
Keep in mind what you are discussing about in the moment—not something that happened a week or even months ago. If you decided to forgive him for being late to pick you up for last semester’s spring fling, then you have to keep that promise. Bringing back old things to fight about is only going to drag out the current one, and make your guy more annoyed when he thought that the other ‘sitch was resolved.
What you’re doing wrong: You won’t compromise.
How to fix it: Compromise!
Another key in a relationship is finding a solution that
works for you both. Agree to disagree, and figure out how you two can mend the
‘sitch. If you always want things to be completely your way, you might not be
ready for a relationship. And if you’re mad about giving up something you want,
remember that compromise means meeting in the middle. He’s giving up something
he wants too.
And remember: if you two spend more time arguing than
getting along, it might be time to move along.
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BY KATIE TAKACS ON 8/25/2013 12:00:00 AM
POSTED IN 411 on fighting with friends, guys, dating advice, GL's best guy advice, boyfriend Q & A