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Tired of competing with a one-upper bud? Here's how to deal

You love your bestie, really you do. At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself when she rubs her top-10 placing in your face right after you finish just off the pace. Sigh. She’d be the best gal you could ever ask for, if only she wasn’t so darn competitive! Here’s how to deal with the one-upper in your life.


Stop competing

Chances are your bud is doing this because she craves attention and doesn’t particularly care how she gets it. If you’re both on the track team and she’s decided to compete in the same event, or if you’re both entering the same writing contest, try to focus on YOUR improvement. Instead of winning the whole thing, say you really just want to be at your personal best, or that you’re hoping for some good constructive criticism from the judges. And don’t forget to praise her training and accomplishments, no matter what they are! Give her a little attention, and she might just back off.


Ask her to support you

The moment you find out you’ll be doing something solo, like entering a spelling bee, tell her honestly how much it would mean to you for her to be out in the audience cheering you on. You need her to be your cheerleader sometimes, not just another competitor. Make it clear that this is something you require from your friendship, then sit back and enjoy the pompoms and posters.


Talk it out

When all else fails, it’s time to sit down and rationally talk through what you’re feeling. Keep your voice calm and focus on how her actions make you feel rather than accusing her of trying to one-up you. Remember, this is just as much her problem as it is yours, and there’s probably something difficult at the bottom of her behavior, so tread lightly and focus on helping both of you shine.




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BY BRITTANY TAYLOR ON 3/29/2014 12:00:00 AM


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CLICK HERE to find out what happens when the silence is broken in Never Said, a touching new novel from Carol Lynch Williams.  

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