Too many friends, too little time!


I have two friends Niki and Lindsay. I became best friends with them this year in seventh grade. We went to the same school, but before this year they said they didn't really like me before because I was so shy. It didn't really matter they thought that because we were friends at that moment. But, I started making new friends and they told me I was ditching them for my new friends and treating them like dirt.


So, I tried really hard and stopped hanging out with my new friends all the time. I have all my classes with them, I go everywhere with them and I hang out with them at lunch whenever I can. Even with all my efforts, Niki and Lindsay still started saying that I was treating them like back up friends so I stopped spending time with my new friends even more.


I thought things were getting better, but last night they told me they don't consider me as a friend anymore. And it wasn't just because of my new friends but my boyfriend too. I just don't understand because I tried so hard to make them happy. I always try to put their feelings before my own. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help me!


-Twix

Hey Girl,

Don’t you for one second think that you need to give up your new friends or your boyfriend for these two girls. Not to lessen the bond you have, but you have only been friends with Niki and Lindsay for a few months, it’s not like this is a childhood friendship that’s going down the tubes. The fact that Niki and Lindsay are mad at you because you have other friends that you like to spend time with is selfish and immature.


It sounds like they are jealous of your ability to branch out and fit in with other people, and its OK that you do this. Everyone should have a group of friends, not just two best friends. The fact that you have been cutting back on the time you spend with your boyfriend and your other friends to make these two girls happy shows that you care about their feelings and your friendship with them. If they can’t see the unnecessary sacrifices that you are making, then these girls aren’t worth your time.


Friendships shouldn’t be so hard, they shouldn’t make you feel bad and they shouldn’t discourage you from meeting new people. I would explain to them how you feel. Say, “I have been trying really hard to include you guys and to spend time with you. Please understand that I want to be your friend and I care about our friendships, but at the same time I am allowed to have other friends besides you two.”


Maybe Niki and Lindsay could be friends with your new friends? Invite everyone over for some quality time. If they continue to be immature about you branching out, then I think it will be ok if you cut yourself off from them. At least until they have the maturity to understand that you can all be friends with other people without losing the special bond that you have with each other. Good Luck!
XOXO,
Jana

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4/1/2009 7:00:00 AM
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