Two Tragic Deaths, Neverending Pain

I lost my dad last year in a tragic plane crash and exactly a month later at our lake house I lost my little brother because he drowned in the lake. I miss them very much and I feel like I can't live without them. I haven't been to our lake house since the accident and I am scared to be on a plane since.

I can't get over their deaths even though it was a little over a year since all of this happened. Also, I don't want my mom to get remarried if I can't have my real dad, but I want her to be happy. I just don't want anyone to replace him. I need help please!

Hey girlie,

It must be really painful for you to have lost your father and your little brother around the same time. I am very sorry for your loss. Even though it has been a year since these tragic deaths, it may take much longer for you to get over the grief. You do need to find a way to vent out all of your feelings before you get your life in order. There are a few diff ways that you can overcome some of your grief, confront your fears and deal with changes in your fam.

First, get a diary to write out everything you are feeling right now. You don’t even have to be a great writer to get your frustrations out. Just jot down whatever you're thinking. If writing is not your thing, try painting, running or any kind of activity that will keep you going and get your frustrations out. Afterwards, try talking to members of your family about how you feel.

Realize that you are not the only one in your family who is going through this grief. You can always talk to your mom, siblings, uncles, aunts, etc. about your fears. By venting and talking out your problems to people who love you AND know what you're going through, you will be able to accept your grief. And eventually, you will be able to come to terms with such huge losses.

And when it comes to confronting your fears, you just need to identify what your fears are. You are scared to go to the lake because you are afraid of drowning. You don’t want to fly in a plane because you don’t want to crash to death. You may need to also see a counselor at school in order for you to find the real core of your fear. Fear is just not knowing the future or the unknown. When you confront your fears, and talk it out, you will be able to travel and swim in your lake eventually.

Lastly, talk to your mom about how you would feel if she got remarried. She will help you understand that your step dad will NEVER take your real dad’s place but he will be a new member in your family. When you both talk it out, you will be able to understand and accept the new changes in your family. I know that you have a lot in your plate, but you can confront everything. You will be fine. Good luck with everything!


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by Sherryn D. | 2/1/2016