Parental Put-Down

I have a lot of really good friends, and Jess is one of them. We don't go to the same school, but we get along so much, even though we're total opposites. Well, one time when we were at the mall with her mom, Jess picked out a really cute jersey-like shirt that wasn't my girly style, but I thought it'd look good on her. Well, her mom got really mad because it was a totally tomboy-like thing, and she said that they never agree on clothes, and that she wished Jess would dress more girly and feminine like me.

I was really uncomfortable, and now I'm even more because Jess has been telling me both of her parents compare her to me kinda often, about grades, personality, manners, etc. She said it feels like they want her to be just like me, but she knows that she's a totally different person. Even though I love to be complimented, I don't like it when it puts my friend down. Jess knows her parents love her, and doesn't seem super upset, but I can't stop thinking about it. What should I do?

Much love,


I can totally relate. My ex-BF's mom used to do that too (of course not with clothes and stuff though, lol). She would pester him about why couldn't he be as motivated or responsible as me (etc., etc.). He would get really angry about it, and I can understand why. You're lucky that your friend hasn't gotten really angry and taken it out on you, especially since it isn't your fault.

But, there is a way you can help her out a little. Next time you're shopping and her mom says something comparing her style to yours, try sticking up for her: "Actually, I really like that shirt on her," or "That outfit is way better than some of those skimpy outfits other girls wear..." If her parents say something about her grades or personality around you, bring up something good about her: "Well I may get better grades in English, but she's a lot better at math than me," or, "I wish I could be as artistic as her," or whatever. Sticking up for your friend will make her feel good, and hopefully help her parents remember the positives about her.

<3 Jessie M.

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8/5/2009 7:00:00 AM