All mixed-up about moving

I have a dilemma. My parents are divorced and have been since I was two. I live with my mom in Illinois part of the time. My mom just went through a tragic divorce after my stepdad molested my 16 year-old sister.


My mom wants to get out of all this mess and leave everything behind. She wants to take me and my little sister to South Carolina.


Now I have to choose which parent I want to live with: my mom in South Carolina or my dad in Illinois. Either way, I will be moving either to a different state or town. I'm afraid of change and I wanna stay.


Things are starting to turn out well for me. I have an "almost BF" (we would be dating if I wasn't moving), my BFF and I are super close, and I love my school. I feel like my parents are kind of bribing me. They want to know where I want to live. I've made a list of pro's and con's and that's just not working. Every time I try to talk to them about it, it ends up with me crying and all of us getting in an argument. I don't know what to do. I'm getting extremely stressed out. My friends are just telling me to stay for selfish reasons. Please help me!


--Stressed


Hey girl,

Wow, you’ve been through a lot and I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve got to move after all that. You’re used to goin’ back and forth between parents, but now that your mom’s trekking to the east coast, you’ve gotta take your pick. You deserve to be selfish when it comes to this important decision. I’m not surprised your pals want you to stay, but since both your parents are elsewhere, you have an important choice to make.


It’s def a stressful time, and if talking to your parents is too much (which is understandable, considering they both want you to live with them), go to someone else for advice. Your school sounds great, so try talking to a counselor there. She can help you weigh the pros and cons of each location (it’s tough for me to tell you which to pick because I don’t know your parents like you do) because she’s prob dealt with this type of decision before. Since she's removed from the situation, she also won’t be biased.


But, girl, whichever you pick, I know it’ll be OK. I moved a couple times when I was younger and it was tough. Being the new girl isn’t a breeze, but it doesn’t have to be awful either. The transition’s not easy, but the key is not to be shy about approaching girls at your new school that seem nice. Be true to yourself and be open to meeting new people. It’s all about the attitude with which you approach the situation, even if you’re not thrilled to be there.

Meanwhile, stay in touch with your old friends (including that special guy). Long distance relationships don’t always work, but if you think it’s worth it, give it a try. If you’re not sure or it doesn’t work out, stay friends. We’re lucky that we have the internet to keep people who are hundreds of miles away connected at all times. It won’t be anything like when you went to the same school, but agree to instant message once in a while and maybe plan a few visits.


Wherever you go, think of this as a new start. Focus your energy on new friends and join new activities like sports or clubs to up your confidence again. If anything, this experience will teach you a lot about staying strong during tough times and staying true to yourself. You can do it, girl. Good luck!


-Miliana B.

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POSTED IN ,

8/22/2009 7:00:00 AM
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