Can't stand the crowd my chica's hanging out with!

OK, so my ex-BFF is friends with a bunch of the people I hate! They’re not the nicest of people and can be really rude sometimes.


She thinks I hate her, but I don’t! I just don’t like her with her friends. What do I do?!


Hey girl,

It can be hard to see someone you used to be close with hanging with a crew that isn’t so awesome. What you’ve gotta realize, however, is that who your friend hangs out with is ultimately her decision. All you can do is give her advice. But before you go telling your friend to give the pink slip to her crowd because they just aren’t cool, I’ve got a few things for you to check off your list.


Don’t judge a book by its cover

Before you mark off that entire clique as not-so-nice, try getting to know them. You may be surprised what you find when you give these girls a chance. Try going to the mall with them sometime or having a movie night and inviting them. Keep the event casual and even invite some of your other friends for support. And the bonus? Hanging out with your ex-BFF and her friends is a great way to show you care about your girl and who knows? You may just end up bringing her (and her gang!) back into your life. The more the merrier!


Have a heart-to-heart

But if you can’t stand these friends after you made an effort, it’s time to make a big decision: can you still be friends with your ex-BFF? Talk to her about hanging out without the gang—remember, just because your friend hangs 'round those peeps doesn’t mean that she's gotta be with them 24/7. Let her know you don’t hate her or her friends. It's that you and her new group just don’t mesh well. Make girlie plans for just the two of you whether it’s a sleepover, shopping trip or just chilling out at your place. If there’s a will, there’s a way, and you can def make it work!


Friendship red flags

Are there other reasons why you aren’t cool with your chica’s crew? If you know for a fact all these girls do say hurtful things about other people in your school or are just mean in general, you need to talk to your friend. Tell her that you think she’s great, and to be careful: gossiping is OK when it’s used to stay in the loop and nice, but if it becomes mean-spirited, she needs to be careful. No one likes a Regina George. The bigger red flag? If your friend’s BFFs are bad influences (they’re partying with drugs or alcohol, shoplifting at the mall or pressuring her to go too far with  her BF). You need to talk to your friend and make sure she’s not doing those things, too. And if she is? You may want to give a heads up to her folks after talking to her about it. She may not thank you then, but I promise she will in the future.


In the end, friendship is a two way street: it’s all about the give and take. Talk with your friend to clear up any hurt feelings. Give your BFF’s friends a chance. Try getting to know the people she hangs out with...they may be more than what they seem. But be careful—if your ex-BFF and her friends are doing things you don’t agree with that conflicts with the law, it’s your job as a bud to not only talk with your friend but alert her parents. In the end, it’s about helping your pal, ex or not, stay on a good path. As for you? Be open and prepared to be surprised. There’s no better time than now to make amends.


Infinite xoxo’s,
Alyssa B.

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1/6/2010 7:00:00 AM
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