My BFF bashes boys

My friend and I have been besties for many years and most of the time all the guys fall for her. It’s not that I'm jealous of her because most of them are nowhere near my type, but she always acts horribly towards them.

One guy who likes her is a total nerd and sort of a social reject but she seriously screams at him etc., and I feel sorry for him. She’s totally leading them on. How can I tell her what she is doing without hurting her feelings and ruining our friendship?

Hey girl, when it comes to thwarting admirers, there’s a right and wrong way to do it...and your friend is clearly doing it the wrong way. Know first of all that you and your friend are both great girls with amazing traits. While the masses may not be falling for you, I can assure you the right guy will...but you might have to wait a little bit 'til he shows up. Letting dudes down gently, however, is an important skill any girl needs to learn. It’s all about treating other people the way you want to be treated. As your BFF’s bestie, it’s your job to let her know that she shouldn’t be that cold.

Have a heart-to-heart

Let your friend gently know that the way she’s treating guys is really hurtful. Ask her to put herself in their place: those guys put themselves on the line when they make a move to talk to her—the least she can do to them is show them a little respect, not play with their emotions. Hinting that a romantic relationship isn’t going to work out is all about setting the line and letting them know that yes, they’re great, and you love being friends with them, but you wouldn't want anything else.

Tell her flirting with them is not only unfair to the Romeos in her life. It also shows her off in a bad light. If she gets a reputation as a tease— someone who leads guys on only to let them down—no guy is going to want to take a chance and ask her out. She may just be alienating Mr. Right by playing with the feelings of the Mr. Wrongs.

Damage control

While this is more of an extra credit, make sure the guys she has played with are doing OK. Stay in the loop with the dude's she's dumped and ask them how they’re feeling. Forward it on to her so she knows what happens when she does play with a guy’s emotions. While she’s definitely someone they’ll get over, it’s nice to have a friend look out for their feelings when they put themselves If you’re a good friend to guys when they need you most, they’ll tell their friends you’re someone worth having as a pal or maybe even more.

Happily ever after

While you can’t make your friend’s decisions for her, you can def give her advice on how to treat the guys she encounters. Remember that actions speak louder than words and being sensitive and understanding is the way to go not only with potential boyfriends but regular friends, too. Giving your lady a gentle heads-up now is the best way to ensure a sunny future and a softer let-down for the diverse dudes you both encounter.

Remember not to judge a book by their cover, too. While your pals Prince Charmings may look like “social rejects” from afar, it’s important to look for the person deep down. The Beast may have looked vile on the outside, but he had a good heart (and turned out to be a REAL prince!) Give these guys a chance and get to know them for who they are, not just what they look like. And who knows, girl? They may just turn out to be the happily ever after to YOUR love story.

Infinite xoxo’s,
Alyssa B.

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1/29/2010 7:00:00 AM