One day, you and your BF are all “It’s over!” And the next? You’re googly-eyed and back together (again). Welcome to the wonderful world of roller coaster relationships. Ups and downs are normal, but the truth is that back-and-forth, breakup and makeup romances are downright exhausting. Enough already! See if 14-year-old Sarah’s story sounds familiar.…
When Derek and I became an item, we walked to school together, sat next to each other at lunch, went to movies. I was so happy! But then, Derek just wanted to spend hours on PS2 with his friends.
I told Derek we needed more time alone or I couldn’t be his girlfriend. He said, “That’s so stupid.” So I dumped him. The next day, when I saw him at band practice, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I walked over to him and told him I was sorry. He hugged me, and I felt like I would melt.
By the end of the week, he was back to his old ways and I felt left out. When I complained, he said I had to accept it. After talking it out with my BFF, I decided Derek wasn’t for me. I called him, crying, and ended it. Derek was totally hurt.
Later, I saw Derek with a cute girl and I was so jealous! I told him I wanted him back, and we immediately got together again. But all the problems were still there. The next week, it was over for good.
Whew! Why in the world did Sarah stay strapped in for this rocky ride? Here are the reasons girls stay in loopy relationships—and when to get out.…
Hey, drama queen! Doing the on-again, off-again thing creates a high level of emotional intensity. Some girls are junkies for this kind of drama.
But even if you’re not into the drama scene, maybe you’re looking to put excitement back into the romance—even the most sizzle-fizzle relationships lose some bling-bling over time. Things have become ho-hum? No more heart-racing at the mere sound of his voice?
Getting into a breakup/makeup pattern can reignite that lost passion. Never a dull moment when things are about to end (“I never want to see you again!”) or on the mend (“How could I ever be without you?”). The problem is that although these feelings can be totally thrilling, they are guaranteed not to last!
Look, no hands! Breaking up with your BF is a surefire attention-grabber. Friends will flock to hear the latest in your continuing saga, offering sympathy and wads of tissue. Hey, it feels pretty good to feel so bad, doesn’t it?
As an added bonus, when you and your guy are “on,” he may be on his toes to keep you happy and make sure things stick. But think about it—any guy with an ounce of confidence will eventually say, “See ya!” to this kind of “now you have me, now you don’t” behavior.
Opposites attract Sometimes, you can have genuine feelings for a guy, but the simple fact is that you two don’t get along. If you say, “It’s black,” he says, “It’s white.” If you say, “You’re right—it’s white,” he says, “No, it’s black!” You can’t win, and you know in your heart of hearts you two are not compatible.
So, really, what’s the point? Maybe you’re a girl who’d rather be with any guy than no guy at all. But do you really want to settle for less? You should want a guy who’s right for you.
Getting on solid ground Being in a relationship that swings like a monkey in a tree will tap your emotional energy. Plus, how can you really trust someone when neither of you knows when the next ax is gonna fall? Worse, your flaky behavior could cost you the respect of your friends. If you and your guy can figure out how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way, great! If not, it’s probably time to get off the Big Dipper.
-Sandy Fertman Ryan