My mom is always comparing me to my friends. Like, when we're out shopping and she sees something that she thinks is nice for me but I don't like it she says, "I bet your friend so-and-so would wear this." I want her to know that I'm not my friend. I'm ME. And that's all I want to be. How do I tell her without making her mad?
-Sarah
My mom used to do the same thing. I came to realize that she wasn’t comparing me to my friends; she was just using them as leverage to keep me under her wing. Your mom doesn’t want you to grow up. She wants to pick out your clothes and make your lunch and brush your hair. You will always be little to her.
When she picks out something in the mall and you don’t like it, you are showing her that you have become independent, more yourself than her and that’s scary to her. I highly doubt she says those things because she wants you to be like your friends, she just thinks you want to fit in with them and uses that as a way to convince you to take her advice.
If it hurts your feelings just remind her that you love her but you have your own style and you are at the point where you like what you like and would prefer to pick out your own things. I think a parents’ really try to make sure their child feels as though they belong somewhere, and often that means giving them everything their friends have so that they don’t feel inadequate. Reassure her that you are capable of being your own person.
xo,
Jana