Everyone thinks of my parents as the Perfect Couple. They
rarely fight. But I recently was at my Grandpa’s when he casually mentioned
that both my parents had been married before. We talked about it a few minutes,
and then I went home. I am officially upset! I can’t believe they never told
me, and I am horrified by the ugly truth. How can I get my parents to tell me
about it without ratting on my grandfather.
Dear Shocked,
Wow! I don’t blame you for being freaked out. You’re not
alone—I’ve gotten similar letters over the years. Unfortunately, your parents
weren’t up front with you, so you need to be straight with them. Say, “Grandpa
let it slip that you two had previous marriages. Don’t get angry with him, but
please tell me the truth.” Then, listen.
The truth doesn’t have to be “ugly.” If you want your
parents to level with you, be understanding rather than judgmental. No doubt
about it, this is mind-boggling. But hang on to your perspective because what
hasn’t changed is this: Your parents love each other and love you. As for your
parents being the Perfect Couple, there’s no such thing. But perhaps they are
and will always be a Great Couple.
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 9/14/2011 12:00:00 AM
POSTED IN dealing with divorce, dear carol solves family probs, problems with my parents, secret, how to talk to parents, advice from Carol Weston