I was adopted when I was just a baby and I am still curious about my real birth parents. Any time I ask my mom about it, she just says she was young and moves on to something else. It really upsets me because I feel that I have a right to know. I have gotten so upset that I have actually cut myself. I have done it about four times. I just want a picture or to know something about her or to meet her! But my mom won’t do anything to help. I don’t want to hurt my mom by asking her too much! But it’s not fair to me.
Please please, no more cutting, okay? Your questions are
completely natural, yet it’s also understandable (albeit regrettable) that your
curiosity makes your mom uncomfortable. I agree that you have every right to
voice your thoughts, and I also believe your real mom is the mom who is raising
you. Someday your adoptive mom may tell you more about your birth parent, but
perhaps she doesn’t know much or knows of troubles that she hesitates to share.
Say, “Mom, you are and will always be my mom and I love you, but please don't
get upset just because I’m curious about the woman who gave me up. My questions
are perfectly normal and it’s important for me to know my medical history too.”
In other words, help your mom not to feel threatened. Talking to a school
counselor or clergyperson may help too.
SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait.
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For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.
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