My painful past is ruining my relationship

I was abused when I was little, and I told my boyfriend. He says he understands, but he doesn’t. Sometimes I pull away when he tries to kiss me or hold me, and he thinks I don’t love him. How can I show him affection even when I’m jumpy and scared?

Dear Flustered and Confused,

I’m so sorry someone took terrible advantage of you. It’s normal to want to take things slowly, and it’s admirable that you’re honest with your boyfriend. Try saying, “I care about you, but I get nervous.” Remind him not to take it personally when you pull away.


It might also help to talk to a counselor or to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. Take your time. If your boyfriend pressures you, you should re-evaluate the relationship. If he isn’t supportive, he might not be right for you.


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by Carol Weston | 2/1/2016
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