GIRL TALK: A Complex Friendship

O.K.,so my problem is kind of complicated. My bff (Let’s call her Amy) is dating a guy friend of mine (Let’s call him Alex). I wouldn’t exactly call him a bgf, we don’t hang out or talk outside of school or extracurriculars, but I’ve known him for 9 years, and I really care about him, more than he cares about me(and I had/have a crush on him). The only problem is, Alex REALLY likes my Amy, but she only decided to go out with him to get over the ex that broke her heart. Alex doesn’t know. I did this once before, and I broke the guy’s heart, plus I ended up with a stalker.I don’t think she’s doing the right thing, plus I’m afraid that she’ll hurt Alex. I can’t say anything to either of them, because they both know I like Alex and they’ll think I’m just jealous (well, i am, but that’s not my point in this). Amy has only known Alex for a little over a year, and she doesn’t realize how sensitive he is, even though he doesn’t show it. So do I be the good friend to Amy and clam up, or do I talk to Alex? I’m torn! And who do I side with when it all falls apart, which I know it will? I don’t agree with what Amy’s doing, but she’s my best friend!
Another note-we were at a choir/orchestra/band concert thing today, and Amy and I were in choir, and Alex was in band, and there was a guy from another school in the choir that she totally had a crush on! She was flirting with him, and kept looking at him and talking to him, and we were in the band room, and she was gushing about this guy with her oblivious boyfriend Alex sitting ten feet away (he couldn’t hear us). She’s setting up a time bomb, and I don’t want to just watch it go off. Someone please help me! This is a complicated problem, and I know it’s long, but I don’t know what to do! Please!

Whew, that was a mouthful. Just reading about your situation makes my head spin, I can only imagine what you are going through.

Here’s my thing. It’s totally cool that you’re looking out for your friend “Alex” and “Amy” is completely in the wrong if what you say is true. So I don’t see why you can’t confront “Amy” and let her know what she’s doing is wrong. You don’t necessarily have to tell her you like “Alex”, you can just let her know that she shouldn’t play around with people’s feelings. And this is a truth that everyone should abide by, so I’m sure she won’t read anything more into it.
I don’t recommend you telling “Alex”. Like you said you “wouldn’t exactly call him a BGF”, so it’s probably best to talk to your BFF “Amy”. If things still don’t change after your little chat with “Amy”, just let things be. The relationship is between the two of them, so there really isn’t anything you can do. I know it’s hard to watch, but if you get in between their relationship, you could wind up losing a friend.
And when your predictions come true (the inevitable bomb explosion), just be there for “Alex”. He’s probably going to need a shoulder to cry on, and you can be that for him.
Hoping for the Best,


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10/13/2008 2:18:00 PM
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