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Dear Carol

"Dear Carol, my two best friends are always leaving me out"

Dear Carol, 

I have two friends who were in a fight for six months. I kept trying and trying to get them to get over it. Finally, last week, they talked it out with me, and we made a pact of a few things we need to follow. One of the rules is to speak up if something is bothering you. Well, when they got back together, I was really excited and was so happy I could spend time with both of them. But my two friends are next-door neighbors…and I live one neighborhood over. It doesn’t seem like that would make a difference, but it does. My one friend always wants to FaceTime, but when I call her, she’s with my other friend and they’re doing something fun and I wasn’t even invited! I’m not trying to make it so they can’t see each other without me, but I’m feeling a little left out. What should I do?

-Lonely Friend 

Dear Lonely Friend, 

You helped two friends through a fight? Kudos. Who knows, maybe someday you’ll be a mediator or therapist or…advice columnist. It’s nice that you want your friends to get along, and completely understandable that you now feel left out as they have grown closer. Of course, their living near each other makes it easier for them to see each other. No mystery there. In fact, maybe your next new friend is about to move in next door. All of you will keep adding new friends to your lives, and most friendships don’t require endless work and drama and ground rules. Next time these two FaceTime, ask to join or invite them to your place. Pacts are great in theory (but hard in practice), and three-way friendships do require extra care. My hope is that you can have some one-on-one time with each of these girls but keep making friends. What’s something you can do to widen your circle? I feel certain there’s someone nearby who’d love to spend more time getting to know you. 

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by GL | 2/3/2021
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