I drank until I got sick, passed out or ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I was a total binge drinker from the start. I don't think I've ever had just two beers! By 15, I drank every weekend.

I'd funnel five beers in a row just to get high faster. I'd tell guys, "I can drink you under the table!" It was an ego thing. Drinking made me feel like I could talk to anyone and do anything. And it was fun being part of a group--even though they were all drinkers!

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of two months, and I totally regret it. It's something you should cherish forever--and I can't even remember it. I was sexually uninhibited when I was drunk. I had unprotected sex with people I wouldn't even have kissed if I were sober. It was disgusting. I'd wake up with someone with this horrible feeling that something gross had happened. But that didn't stop me. I dealt with my shame by drinking more. It was the only way to keep from thinking about what I'd done.

I only drank on weekends, but you don't have to drink daily to be an alcoholic. My life was totally unmanageable. I couldn't even stand up at work because I was always sick. Often, I couldn't even get up for classes, so I barely graduated. I wasn't even allowed to walk the stage at my graduation because I'd been so drunk at prom. My mom knew I had a problem, but she couldn't stop me.

Things fell apart this past Fourth of July when my friend and I were drinking with a bunch of guys at her house. After blacking out, my friend lost her virginity to a stranger! She was 19 and had been saving herself for the right guy, so when she realized what she had done, she became hysterical, got in her car and drove off--drunk! Later, she drove back to her house, where I was naked on the couch with some boy. Her dad Showed up, and I was totally humiliated. I felt so Ashamed. I was finally ready to get help.

The next day, with the help of my mom, I entered rehab. I've been here nine days now. The other girls here are amazing--and I don't feel like the only screw-up in the world. I'm getting a chance to know myself. and I'm determined to remain sober. I don't want a life I can't remember.

by "Dominique," 19 as told to Sandy Fertman Ryan

12/16/2009 7:00:00 AM