Make it or Break it

Feel like you and your BFF are growing apart? Is the friendship history—or can you guys get closerthanever?


You two have been buds since you shared a sandbox back in pre-K. You can’t deny it, though—this school year, you can barely find a sec to see each other. What’s the real deal? Are you both changin’ so much it’s time to say adios for good—or can you buddy up again big-time? Figure it out, right here.


ACE GIVING HER SPACE

Sounds beyond weird, but the best way for two buds to get tighter is to spend enough time apart. When you try new stuff on your own—like taking up field hockey or signing up for archaeology class—you gain skills and knowledge you can share with your bud. So if your friend’s guitar lessons means having one less afternoon a week to hang together, no biggie. Encouraging her to pursue her music helps her grow as a person…and as a pal.


GIVE IT A WHIRL FOR YOUR GIRL

Are you willing to give the new stuff your bud is diggin’ on a chance? When you and she hook up these days, she’s all about artsy-smart rock like Panic! At the Disco, while you’re still downloading Carrie Underwood. Lots of girls get antsy when a close bud starts grooving on something way unfamiliar or drops an interest they used to share.

This doesn’t have to create drama, though. Just because your girl’s vibe is changing some, it doesn’t mean she’s totally morphing into someone you don’t know. It’s a sign she’s growing in new directions, which is very cool. Varying likes and dislikes are not a big friendship prob, as long as you’re respectful of each other’s tastes and opinions.


KEEP THE CONVO COOL

Communication can suffer when buds spend time apart. Do you and your BFF still talk as openly as ever? Here are three straight-up ways to tell if you’re on the same page. 1) You both still feel comfy sharing serious concerns with each other. And, no, Ashlee Simpson’s nose is not a major issue. 2) You each pay attention when talking about important stuff, no half-listening allowed. 3) There’s rock-solid trust not to spill each other’s secrets—period.


IT WON’T LAST IF SHE’S MOVIN’ FAST

If your girl is up to stuff you know is wrong, like shoplifting, ditching class or dating creepy older guys, here’s the icky truth: You probably can’t keep the friendship going. This is a lot more serious than having different tastes in music. You definitely don’t want to be dragged into a bad sitch just for being associated with her.

You can try a one-time reality check. Explain that you’re worried, ask her to reconsider her behavior, and strongly suggest she get herself together. But if she stays on the fast track, saying buh-bye to your BFF is the smart thing to do.

 
IT’S GREAT TO CLEAN THE SLATE

Even if things are ultra-awkward, the friendship still might be worth saving. But you’ve both gotta be willing to start fresh. This is harder than it sounds but, basically, here’s the plan: You have to work together to create a “newfound” friendship by forgiving and forgetting dopey slights and fights. Appreciate the ways you’re growing and changing, even if you aren’t the twinsies you used to be. Hey, individuality rocks!


-Lisa Mulcahy

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4/3/2009 7:00:00 AM
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