I have a huge problem! My mom treats me like I'm five! I'm 11 years old and I'm not even allowed to close my bedroom door! I can't choose my own clothes when we go to the mall and my mom still forces "mother and child shopping." Now, she doesn't even like me going to sleepovers.

What do I do to let her know I'm growing up and want to start doing normal 11-year-old things? Please help!

In every mother-daughter relationship, there comes a time for “the talk.” No, not that talk, but the talk about growing up. It’s not going to be easy and your mother probably doesn’t want to hear it, but you gotta let her know that her little baby is growing up. And if you ever wanna gain some independence, the time is now.

First, tell your mom you want to talk to her about something important. This will let her know you’re serious and you mean business. But whining won’t get you anywhere, so remember to act mature and be respectful. If it helps, write down what you want to say and practice beforehand. Tell your mom that you know she’s concerned about you and you know that she’s only trying to help you out ‘cause she loves you sooo much. But tell her it’ll help you to grow on your own and start making some of your own decisions. Be sure to point out the mature, responsible things that you’ve done recently, like aced a math exam, landed the coveted spot of volleyball captain or spring-cleaned your shed.

REMEMBER: Your mom really doesn’t mean any harm and she probably has no idea that you feel this way. You don’t want to hurt her feelings; you just don’t want to be treated like a little girl.

The key here is compromise. You could say, “Mom, I know you only want what’s best for me, but it’d really mean a lot if you’d let me choose some of my clothes. Next time we go to the mall, I’ll show you some and you can tell me what you think.” This will let her know you still value her opinion and it will mean a lot to her.

Remember, your mom was once 11, too, and she probably knows exactly what you’re going through. But that doesn’t mean she wants to completely let go of her little girl. Baby steps are the key to success. Don’t expect things to change overnight. If you and your mom have open minds and try to understand one another, everything will work out just fine.

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3/14/2009 7:00:00 AM