Caught in the Crossfire

My parents are divorced, and my mom does not like my dad’s side of the family. Whenever I talk about them, she gets upset. She doesn’t want me to visit them. I’ve tried talking to her, but we just argue. I want to spend time with my dad’s family this holiday. Help!

Does U2’s “Stuck in the Middle” come to mind? While it might be hard for your mom to hear about the time you spend with the other side of your family, you shouldn’t have to choose between one or the other. If you can’t talk about this without a big blowout, write her a letter explaining how you feel. Let her know that you understand divorce is hard on everyone but that you need to spend time with both sides of your family.
Ask her to sit down with you and a calendar to figure out how you can fairly divide your time. Maybe you can spend Christmas or Hanukkah with your mom’s side, and celebrate the New Year with your dad’s. Or do Christmas Eve with Dad and Christmas Day with Mom. Oh, and one last thing. Consider your mom’s feelings when you return from visits with your dad. You really don’t have to go on and on about what a great time you had with the people she clearly doesn’t like.

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3/19/2009 7:00:00 AM
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