Forgotten Father


I've never known my real dad. I don't what he looks like or even his name. I've asked my grandma about him before and she didn't say anything. 

I really want to know about him but I don't know how to ask my mom. I'm scared it will make her angry or hurt her feelings for asking, but I really want to know. Please help!

Aw girly, this is a really tough stitch for both you and your mom. It's totally understandable for both of you to be upset by your dad's absence. Maybe your grandmother felt as though it was her job to protect you and not say anything, but of course you're curious about who your dad is.


Since this is such a touchy topic, you'll want to bring the subject up gently with your mom. Let her know there's something serious that's weighing on your mind and that you'd really like to talk to her about it. First, ask your mom if she wants to talk about your dad. You could say, "Hey Mom, I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately and I'd really like to learn more about him." If you feel too scared to approach her about it in person, try writing her a letter. In your letter, explain that you feel you're mature enough to know a little about your dad and tell your mom why you'd like to hear about him.


Hopefully your mom will tell you a bit about your dad. She may not open up right away, but once she sees how important this is to you, she'll be more likely to share some stories. You could even say, "You don't have to tell me everything right now, but I'd really like to know his name and whatever else you feel comfortable sharing." This puts the ball in your mom's court and will make her feel less edgy about the whole thing. It may help both of you to talk about him.


And if she starts to say mean things about your dad, politely let her know you care about her and what she has to say, but you're not ready to hear about the negative stuff just yet. If your mom really doesn't want to talk, don't try to force her. Give her some more time and she may decide to talk about it on her own. Most importantly, whatever is going on between your dad and your mom is between them and it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong and you are not the one to blame. Remember, nobody's family is perfect. I'm sure your mom, your grandma and everyone else in your fam loves you more for the great, smart, beautiful girl that you are!


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by L'Oreal | 2/1/2016
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