Angry for attention

I have a friend with some emotional issues caused by problems at home. She takes it out on my other friends and me. She annoys us intentionally, lashes out physically/vocally, and throws the occasional temper tantrum. She does all of this for no apparent reason.


We sometimes don't (and sometimes aren't allowed) to invite her to places and social gatherings because we're afraid she'll do these things. We're not trying to be mean, we just don't know how to handle it and don't want her (or us) to be embarrassed later. Some of my friends are in summer band with her and have to lie about what plans we have with other friends. We always feel really bad/sad about it because when she's not offending anyone, she's a pretty fun person to be around.


Lately she's been acting like this more and more often. We don't know if this is because of problems at home, but we don't want it taken out on us. She's seeing a therapist but it seems to have no affect on her attitude whatsoever except to maybe make it worse. We're trying to help explain to her what she is doing, but she refuses to change so far.


What should we do?
 
Signed,
fretful friend


Hey girlie, it seems like your friend is acting like this for one reason: attention. Maybe she’s not getting enough of it at home. Or maybe she thinks this is the only way to get people to notice her. Either way, she really shouldn’t take her problems out on you or your friends.


More than likely, your friend is acting out because she’s facing problems at home and she doesn’t have anyone to talk to. There could be something serious happening at home, so you definitely shouldn’t judge. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s life. You could say, “Hey, it seems like you’re going through a lot right now. But I just want to let you know I’m here for you when you need me. I’ll listen whenever you’re ready.”


By letting your friend know that you won’t judge her, she’s more likely to open up and tell you what’s going on. Remember, it’s not your job to fix her problems (that’s a job best left to a professional, like her therapist); but, as her friend, you can help her feel better.


You also need to gently let this girlie know that her temper tantrums are SO not cool. You could say, “Listen, we feel bad for you because of what’s going on, but it’s not fair for you to treat us like this. It really hurts us. We want to be your friends and we want to help you, but you have to stop being mean to us.” Your friend won’t change unless she wants to, but hopefully when she sees how much you care about her, she’ll change for the better. Best of luck, hon!


Lots of love,
L’Oreal

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7/29/2009 7:00:00 AM
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