My BFF is desperate to fit in

I'm in eighth grade and ever since the beginning of the year my bestie has been acting really weird. For example, I'll see her in the hallway and excitedly say hi but she will just pitifully smile at me. We aren't in the same classes this year.

A lot of "popular" girls are in her class and it seems like she is soooo desperate to be "in." It's almost like she puts on a total show just to impress them!  I don't want to tell her that I think what she's doing is dumb because she will just think I'm attacking her. Please help!

-BFF with Li'l Miss Desperate

Hey girl, I'm so sorry to hear about your bestie. It's hard when the people you care about change who they are just to please someone else. When it comes to approaching your BFF you gotta be careful.  Chances are your girl is feeling a bit insecure and popularity's always appealing (hello, who doesn't WANT to be well-liked?). But there's def a way to make things a li'l better! How? Show your BFF you love her just the way she is.

Get the scoop on your girl

Ask your pal when you're alone and out of school if something's going on. Have a heart-to-heart. Maybe it's harder for her to make friends now that you're not in her classes. Let her know that you def understand what's up but tell her she shouldn't have to give up who she is to make new friends. People should like her for the amazing girl she already is—after all YOU do. Think her friends are bad influences on her—like you heard she's tried drinking (eek! Dangerous!) at a party just to fit in? Stress that she should never do anything she isn't comfy with just to impress other people, and if they pressure her, they're not worth hangin' with.

Sisterhood SOS

As for saving your friendship from falling apart? While you may be in separate classes, make a point to spend more time outside of school together. Try scheduling special sleepovers every Saturday. Join a new sport together. See if you can get a part in play together or take a class. Activities like these will keep you and your girl together and a constant part of each other's lives. Let your friend know you're there for her no matter what. The best friendships don't let distance (or separate classrooms) get between them—they stick together and last through thick and thin.

A li'l reminder goes a long way

In the end, friends should accept each other for who they are. While you can't change the way your amiga is acting, you can def be there and ask her what's up. Remind her that chicas should like each other for who they are and that she should never have to change herself for people. And to wrap up? Tell her you love her just the way she is. Sometimes all it takes is those three little words to remind your bestie why you're BFFs in the first place.

Good luck, girl!
Infinite xoxo's,
Alyssa B.

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11/4/2009 7:00:00 AM