My ex-BFF is STILL mad at me!

Last October, my two BFFs and I got in a big fight. It's all because I made up this HUGE lie. I’m not even sure why I did it. One of them "forgave" me, the other one didn't. The one that didn't forgive me, well we used to be like sisters, we spent so much time together. The one that DID forgive me, I feel like she still despises me because she gossips about me sometimes with the girl who didn't forgive me.

I asked the girl who didn't forgive me if we could still be friends and apologized to her but she still didn't want to be friends again. She still hasn't forgiven me yet and it's been over a year. I just wish we could be friends again. I’m out of moves!

Hey girl, first of all, I’m so sorry to hear about this conflict. Lying is never good, and you def learned that the hard way. Big fibs rip apart friendships—sometimes to the point of no return. Even if you do everything you can, if your one ex-BFF still wants nothing to do with you, you’ve gotta let it go. She made this decision, girlie, and you’ve done all you can to make amends. But before it reaches that point, I’ve got a few ideas for you to try.

Have a heart-to-heart

It’s been a year, and you’ve all changed. Sit down with your chicas and ask for a clean slate. With the new year just a few days away, it’s the perfect time for a fresh start when you get back from winter break. Emphasize how much you’ve changed and how much their friendship means to you. See if there’s a compromise—any way you make it up to them after what you did and get your sisterhood back to the way it used to be. You broke your buds’ trust in you, and it'll take some time before things go back to normal.

Progress report

Have a talk with your one friend who talks behind your back. Ask her what she thinks about the friendship. Is she still mad at you? Don’t directly bring up the gossip but let her know you’re trying your best to make amends, and you just want to know how things are going between the two of you. It’s up to her to let you know at that point if something’s wrong. Apologize and ask her what things you could do to win back her trust. It’s important to hear her out and give her the chance to explain herself.

Brighter future

Girl, if there is one thing this should teach you, it’s the importance of not pulling a Camp Rock Mitchie and making up big lies about yourself. It hurts people, and breaks trust. You can fix this one up, though. Let your chicas know how much they mean to you. It’s up to them to let go, that’s for sure, but make a solemn promise not to lie like that again. Honesty is the best policy for 2010.

If they still don’t forgive you even after you try to make amends, then you’ve gotta let them go: it’s the point of no return. My suggestion at that point is to get to know new people who will stick by you— there’s tons out there. And if these buds do forgive ya? Know it’s going to take time to rebuild what you once had but don’t give up. Stick to being a good friend who’s there for them and promise them a brighter future. And that—no lie—is the best ingredient you can have for any friendship. Good luck, girl!

Infinite xoxo’s,
Alyssa B.

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12/28/2009 7:00:00 AM
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