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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

45 Comments | Add Yours

Help! Life is just too hard

 

Check these out, too...

  • 10 things to tell your mom anytime
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For a while, I felt like I had everything anyone could ever want: awesome friends, no pimples (yay!) and a great family. Then everything changed. My parents got divorced, my dag began to ignore me, and my mom got cancer and is in the hospital. She says that it’s her medication that’s making her hair fall out. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it, not even my best friends. I’m so sad.

 

 

Dear Can’t Take It,

I’m not surprised you’re upset. It’s hard when someone you love is in the hospital, and I’m sure your mom doesn’t like being sick either. She’d rather be there for you and be strong for you. That said, try to accept your sadness (it’s normal under these circumstances) and tell her you’re worried and that you love her.

 

You’re mom’s hair is probably falling out because of chemotherapy, but often chemo can make all the difference. Confide in a relative or a teacher you can trust, and don’t shut out your closest friends. You don’t have to spill anything you’re not comfortable with, but letting others in on how you’re feeling will be freeing. Promise. And can you get a hold of your dad and let him know that you need and want him in your life? I hope your family gets better news soon.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


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BY CAROL WESTON ON 1/25/2013 12:00:00 AM

POSTED IN cancer 101, dealing with divorce, dear carol solves family probs, problems with my parents, dealing with illness, how to talk to parents, dealing with depression, advice from Carol Weston

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MOD MOD MOD
one more thing, when I walk in front of people, i get uncomfortable and selfconcious and do a funny walk. How can i stop bein like this.
Oh hey this must be an out of the blye questons but my mom wants me to be like normal.... i want to be unique and hve my own style but she wont let me! What should i do?

Hey girlie,

Even though it seems like everyone is watching you, they're really not, so try to imagine they're not paying attention to you and walk normally! No one will notice, trust me! As for your style, try focusing on developing your personality on the inside. Even if you have to dress a certain way when you're at school, being unique comes from what you like, so focus on developing yourself on the inside and letting that show, because that is what counts Smile

Meghan D.

report

by Angelsfall on 2/4/2013 8:23:06 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
many of my friends trust me with their secrets andit feels njce to have people trust you. But im a terrible friend because what some people tell me i tell other peopple. How can I keep my mouth shut?
Also, when my friends get me mad, i ignore them and just walk away. I crack my neck, shoulders and fingers 24/7 how can i stop this because it gets me annoyed.
also, in like 9 months im having my quinceanera, how can i get skinny?
One more thing, how can I stop being mean to people? At home i make my min hat I will be nice but once i go to achool im mean, how can i stop that?
On more little stich! How can i talk to my mom about personal stuff without being shy?

Hey girlie,

If you can admit that you tell other people's secrets, it shouldn't surprise you that they aren't talking to you about things they don't want to get around! Try thinking about if those secrets were your own--would you want them to be public? If you imagine yourself in their shoes it will help you keep their secrets. And if you are upset with your friends, it is better to talk to them about it than to ignore them, because they might not realize they upset you and they'll definitely be hurt if you walk away from them! If you don't want to crack your joints anymore, maybe you could set up a reward system like that you could have dessert or watch TV (whatever works for you) if you don't crack them. You can also talk to your mom or guidance counselor for help breaking a bad habit! I would think more about living a healthy lifestyle than being skinny, because a healthy look is different for everyone! If you are eating fruits and veggies (and protein!) and exercising regularly, you will be fine Smile If you want to be nice to people, try thinking of something you admire about them and compliment them on it Smile And don't be nervous about talking to your mom, she's been through it all and is there for you!

Meghan D.

report

by Angelsfall on 2/4/2013 8:17:35 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
One of my best friends has been really down lately. I know her parents put a ton of pressure on her for school and sports and her art and my friend feels the need to be perfect at everything. Also there is this boy she really likes and EVERYONE knows that she likes him (including the boy) and that he doesn't like her at all (including her). She's been really grumpy lately and a lot of her friends won't hang out with her anymore. She comes to school with dark circles under her eyes and almost never smiles anymore. I'm really worried about her. Is there anything I can do to help her?

Hey girlie,

The first thing I would do is encourage your friend to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher or other trusted adult about what she's going through, because they can help her deal with all of the pressure she's carrying right now and make it easier to deal with. Aside from that, you could show your support by going to her sports games or studying together next time you have a test! You could also make sure to compliment her next time her hair looks awesome or she wears a really cute top. Little actions of support for her will go a long way!

Meghan D.

report

by Meeshmeesh on 2/4/2013 4:21:13 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
My mother puts way too much pressure on me. She constantly nags me about my failing Physics grade and hovers over me when she thinks I'm not being productive. She's even threatened to hurt me and take away everything I own. Even when I'm talking about art or something else I like, she'll suddenly interrupt and start bugging me about school. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like I'm about to puke. This happens a lot because when it does, I don't eat and end up losing weight. I've lost 15 pounds over the course of a few months, and it's all because of her. She's noticed this and now thinks I have an eating disorder. I don't know how to deal with this. Every time I try talking to her I get too intimidated and start crying. Please give me some advice!

 

Hey girlie, there's nothing wrong with crying when you talk to her. If you're crying while you're telling her how much it hurts you, she'll know that you genuinely mean it and that she's really upsetting you. Hopefully that'll be enough to keep off her back. Work hard in school to bring your grades up to help take a little pressure off too. 


Lauren T.

report

by DarcyAranea on 2/3/2013 8:15:31 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
I am 13 years old but my parents, well my dad mostly, blocks websites on my computer, channels on the TV, and movies on the xbox. I know he's just trying to keep me safe but say I am looking for a cute new pair of sweats online. I love Victoria Secret sweats but that website is blocked. I can't watch lots of movies on the xbox because they are blocked. I'm not dishonest and I don't want to watch anything inappropriate but my parents need to understand I am growing up so some movies I want to watch may have a scene or two that is inappropriate. I have tried having a discussion about this before but they just won't budge! What do I do?

Hey girlie,

You're right that your parents just want you to be safe because they love you! If you want sweatpants, you could buy them in person or ask your parents to visit the site and buy them for you. And if there are scenes that you even think are inappropriate, it definitely makes sense that your parents don't want you to see them! Maybe you could make a compromise, like that you could watch certain movies if your parents were there. If not, try to respect your parents' decisions--you have your whole life to grow up, so make the most of what you can do now that you won't be able to do when you're older! Have fun with your friends, play games with your fam and enjoy being young, and you'll be able to watch those movies and shop online before you know it Smile

Meghan D.

report

by nutmeg2009 on 2/2/2013 11:18:03 PM

 
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