They were fine until I came along...I’ve tried to talk to them numerous timed so please don’t suggest that. They’re usually fighting anyway. I don’t feel like hanging with my friends anymore but I hate being at home. My grades are going from straight As to low Cs. I’m trying to protect my little sister from everything at home, but it’s hard to keep on a strong face at home AND at school.

I DON’T want people to find out about this (i.e. talking to school counselor) but I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’ve only told two close friends. How can I figure this out on my own? Please help me!!!

I’m sorry to hear you are goin' some tough times chica. I def can relate to not wanting others to see your family/life falling apart. But sometimes it is hard to be so strong and put on a tough face for both family and friends. I’ve even had a public breakdown or two in my past that I wasn’t happy about. Everyone has their tough times.

Please don’t blame yourself for this. Your parents love you more than the world but they just don’t feel the same way about each other that they did when they decided to get married. It seems like they’ve hit a rough patch and are stressing over the pressure. I’m so sorry their troubles are becoming a burden onto you. Sometimes, parents just don’t see how their stress is pushed onto us kids.

When I was in high school, we had a fire at my house and moved around from hotel to hotel. It was a really tough time for us and I remember I felt the same way. I went from a National Honors student to barely getting passing grades. I locked myself in the hotel on weekends and stopped answering calls from friends and didn’t know where to turn.

It does seem like you are trying to talk to your parents though. Maybe you just need to approach them in a different way to prove you need a serious convo ASAP. To really get the attention of your parents, try emailing them and tell them you are holding a family meeting. Tell them the time and place to be there. They will know you are serious and not simply wanting to complain when you take the initiative in a responsible manner. When they get there, hand them a list of topics that you want to discuss. Write down a few thoughts about how things are affecting you, your family life, or questions about the future of your family that you want to know. Your parents may be speechless but they’ll seriously see how you are feeling.

I know you said you don’t want people to find out but talking to a counselor is something to reconsider. They are pros at this kinda thing and are actually held to a level of confidentiality with what you tell them. For me, I went in to the counselor sobbing one day just to sit and get a few things out, and the next day, I was able to walk into school with my head held high.

Definitely keep talking things out with your close friends. They will be more understanding about you ditching them and want to help or at least distract you a li'l from your worries. Try getting out of the tension in the house by going for a nice spring walk, or reading a book as an escape.

Can’t express yourself to others? Write down how you are feeling about everything. Just getting words out on paper becomes a huge relief and is a therapeutic exercise. In one class I went to, we were supposed to “dump ourselves.” We wrote down all that we were feeling at that time, all of the hurt, pain, problems, absolutely every painful emotion related to anything going on in our lives. We were given a few minutes to capture everything and then were instructed to tear up the paper. We each tore up everything that was hurting us and then dumped it in the trash can. You’d be shocked how differently you feel after a simple writing exercise.

I know your case is a little more long term but that is why I suggest the diary. When you finish one complete book, try throwing it out. These are bad feelings and not anything you want to be reminded of months later. It is painful to relive the past and, often, unnecessary later on after you’ve come so far along in life.

Def don’t give up, though. You seem like an amazingly strong girl but you aren’t alone in this. Even your sister is someone you could talk to a li'l. I’m sure she is scared about what is going on. In the meantime, just hang in there and the tough times will pass. Good luck, girlie!

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by Amanda | 2/1/2016