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What to do when your bestie starts pulling away

 

Besties, by definition, are the best. They’re our sisters by choice, our soulmates and our other halves. So it can come as a shock when your BFF is suddenly “busy” all the time.

You two used to exchange LOL-worthy texts on the reg, but now she can’t even respond to a simple, “hey what’s up?” When you call on the phone, it goes straight to voicemail—or, even worse, she picks up only to tell you it's not a good time... and then never calls back. So what do you do? If you’ve decided that your friendship is important enough to fight for, try taking this advice.

Reach out
Is your bestie usually the one making all your weekend plans and scheduling movie nights? Take the initiative and ask her if she wants to grab ice cream after school. Or invite her over to your house for a major sesh before your big world history test. Feel free to loop in your other chicas, too—the more the merrier. If she repeatedly declines or says she is busy, give it a rest and proceed to the next step...

Give her space
So your bestie is too busy to hang. Try not to take it personally, at least at first. She may be super swamped with school, sports or extracurriculars. She may be going through family troubles or other friend drama. Give her time to focus on her—and you can take the opportunity to focus on you. Even the strongest and healthiest of friendships often have periods of no-contact. It’s completely normal for you two to have independent lives—and you should. However, if she says she’s busy but then goes out with other people, or lies to you about her plans, perhaps it’s time to have a chat.

Talk to her—no, seriously
Even when it feels like you and your bestie are practically the same person, she can’t read your mind—you’ve got to talk to her. No need to make a big deal out of it, just bring up the fact that she’s been MIA the next time you two are alone. Avoid making accusations and instead focus the conversation on your own feelings. Say, “I feel like we haven’t hung out in a while. I miss you! Let's catch up soon,” not, “You never make time for me! Do you not like me anymore?” Your bestie may not realize she’s neglecting you, so it’s best not to make assumptions that she’s purposefully trying to hurt your feelings. Tell her honestly how you feel while respecting her choices and independence. It’s natural for people—even best friends—to branch out and meet new pals. Remind her how much you value her and your friendship and let her know that you’re always there for her. Now it’s up to her to decide if she’s willing to be a true friend.

Let her go
If your bestie has bailed on you for the zillionth time, or has made zero attempts to reach out in the last month, it may be time to let her go. Take the high road and avoid additional drama by nixing the urge to formally “break up” with your former bestie or post about it on social media. Ultimately, friendship is a two way street, and both parties have to be invested for the relationship to work. If you’re putting 100% of your time and energy into the friendship and your friend is putting in nada, allowing yourselves to go your separate ways may be for the best. Friendships and people change over time, and that’s okay. It can be sad to watch a friendship fade that was so meaningful, but remember that you are special, irreplaceable and have done everything in your power to salvage your relationship with your bestie. In time, you will make new (awesome!) friends who value you as much as you value them.

What do you do when your best friend pulls away from you? Have you ever brought a friendship back from the brink?

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by Morgan Ome | 11/13/2018
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