The dos and don'ts of fighting with your boo

Believe it or not, fighting can be good for a relationship. Of course there is a line—fighting all the time is not healthy, but in moderation, fighting can actually improve character, relieve stress and help you both learn more about each other. 

That said, the only way all those good things happen is if, after a fight, you're able to forgive bae. But that's easier said than done. Boys can sometimes be frustrating, oblivious, immature and *so* many more things that can irritate us to no end. However, your BF is your BF, and they're always going to be on your side, and that's something that's important to remember during an argument: you two are *actually* on the same side.

So how do fight without getting mean? Here's how:

DON’T keep your feelings to yourself
If your boyfriend does something that upsets you, don’t pretend everything is OK just to avoid confrontation. Bottling up those emotions and thoughts isn’t healthy for you or the relationship. You can’t keep all that in forever, and when the bottle pops open things will be way uglier than they would have been if you'd talked earlier.

DO be clear about why you are hurt
Can you read you BF’s mind? If you can, then you're either lying or are a superhero. If you can’t tell what *he's* thinking, then why would you expect him to be automatically be clued in on what he did to make you mad? In order for him to apologize or for you to even have a conversation about the problem, you need to explain to him exactly what is going through your head.

DON’T yell 
Inside voice, ladies. We get that it might be hard to control your temper but screaming at your guy is not going to help. All it's going to do is make the argument more heated and before you know it, he'll be yelling, too. That’s not productive, nor is it kind.

DO practice giving the benefit of the doubt
Everyone (including your boo) is innocent until proven guilty. Misunderstandings happen all the time, so listen to his side of the story before getting mad about something that may or may not have even happened.

DON’T insult him
By now, the golden rule is probably drilled into your mind, but we will repeat it anyway: treat others the way you want to be treated. No matter the situation, name-calling is never justified—especially when the purpose is to hurt someone you care about. Keep the convo civil, polite and mature because feeling angry isn’t a good excuse for hurting your honey’s feelings, even if he hurt yours first.

DO take a break
If you're having trouble staying calm or you’ve been talking for a while and haven’t solved the issue, hit the pause button. Don’t stomp away randomly, though. Tell him you want to drop the argument for a bit to think about things. You can always revisit the subject, and taking a minute, hour or even a day to calm down and think about the situation will be beneficial to both of you.

DON’T bring up past arguments
Please don’t keep a mental list of all the things your dude has done wrong just so you have an arsenal of insults to throw at him when you argue. That’s just mean. Stay on the present topic and leave the past in the past because those arguments are over and done with.

DON’T reject an apology when one is offered
If your sweetie is really trying to show you that he is sorry by apologizing or doing something nice for you, don’t snub him. There’s no reason to make him feel worse if he already feels bad about things. Accept his apology and give him a hug, it will make you both feel better.

DO consider extending your own olive branch
There will be times when you are just going to have to be the bigger person. Sometimes apologies aren’t offered and sometimes you are partly in the wrong. You may have to think about taking one for the team just so you both can get over the argument.

DO move on
Don’t hold a grudge. If the argument ends peacefully, it’s time to let it go. The only way to continue the relationship and ensure that you don’t spend all your time fighting is by forgiving and forgetting.

How do you handle arguments with your bae? Sound off in the comments!


by Maddie Smith | 5/30/2018
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