CRUSHES

That math class cutie is pretty much everything you want in a partner: They’re intelligent, charismatic and have the most *gorgeous* eyes. Swoon.

But there might be one thing that irks you about them. Maybe they have a habit of throwing their friends under the bus to seem cooler…or maybe they just forget to do their homework every day, looking to you for answers.

It’s common knowledge that no relationship is perfect, and there will always be something about a person that you don’t *love.* Are those factors worth breaking up with them for?

Determining your relationship standards is tough—which is why we're here to help. 

What are relationship standards? 

If you're entering the dating world for the first time (congrats, bb!), you might hear your mom or your BFF ranting about how you need to either raise or lower your "standards". But what does that even mean? 

Your "standards" are your non-negotiable relationship requirements. You might have personal preferences (tall, funny, looks exactly like *insert celeb crush*), but at the end of the day, if you heart their personality, their height or celeb doppelganger shouldn't dictate your relationship status. Your relationship standards, however, help you determine whether your crush is long-term material. 

For example, you might value honesty in your relationship. If you notice that bae consistently lies about where they're going (they keep turning their Snapmap off at the weirdest times) or doesn't tell you the full truth about the party they went to last week, it might be time to confront or reconsider their relationship. 

How do I set my relationship standards? 

First thing's first: Brainstorm! Think about the values you hold close to your heart. This could be anything from loyalty to respect to kindness. Jot down 8-10 of them in a personal journal. 

Next, try writing up a few examples of boundaries to set based on each value. They don't have to be exact or perfect, but they should be enough to remind you of what you deem unacceptable in a relationship. 

What are some common examples of relationship standards? 

"My S.O. should be genuinely interested in me." 
"I should feel safe with my S.O." 
"My S.O. should be respectful to everyone, not just to me." 
"In our relationship, we will be honest with one another." 
"My S.O. should be independent, and not always rely on me." 

Finally, if you have an S.O., be sure to ask them about their boundaries, too! The best way to build a stronger relationship is by communicating your values. Make sure bae knows what you need  emotionally before *anything* else. After you got your feelings sorted out? That's when you start reminding them of your fave Starbucks order. Hint hint. 

Help! Are these relationship deal-breakers? 

Are these relationship sitches worth working through? GL weighs in. 

"My boyfriend only gave me attention when he knew we were going to be alone. If he knew we were gonna, like, watch a movie with my fam, he would make up an excuse as to why he couldn't hang out with me. It really hurt." -Laura, 16

Nope. This isn't gonna fly. If you value your fam and your S.O. doesn't, that's a recipe for a rocky relationship. Sure, they might feel a little awkward around your parents at first, but if they keep dipping on the family game nights, it might be time to wrap this relationship up. 

"My GF loves playing video games with me online, but we only ever play the games she wants. She never bothers to ask about my faves, but I keep playing with her bc I know it makes her happy." -Maisie A., 17

Good news! This seems like your relationship might just need a little more communication. Make sure you let bae know that you love playing video games with them, but propose that you try one of your personal favorites during your next virtual hang. If all goes well, you'll have some new competition... 

"My boyfriend is really nice to me, but he's low-key rude to everyone else, including my BFF. They don't like each other at all. I don't want to choose between them, but it's gotten so difficult! They can't even be in the same room together!" -Aleena V., 16

If your partner is making you choose between them or your bestie, they might be trying to monopolize your time. Your BF and BFF don't have to be BFFs themselves, but they should at least respect one another. We recommend reminding bae of how important your friendships are to you. If they back off your bestie, perfect! We love a S.O. who can learn from their mistakes. If not, it might be time to put your BFF before bae. 

Got a crush question you want answered ASAP? Tag us in your juiciest relationship questions on Threads @girlslifemag!

Top and slider image: @avajules_

by Laila Mayfield | 12/6/2023