Tough Stuff

When a friend's fam is fighting...

One of my BFFs is really upset! Her parents are always fighting. I was over there once and they were screaming at each other on the back porch and you could hear it through the open windows. I never want to go over there anymore, which is saying something because her house is my home away from home! 

She came to me today really upset saying she overheard her mother was flirting with some other guy and stuff. I can’t imagine how upset she must be. But while I want to be there for her I feel like I should never go over there and upset her 'rents. Today while she was talking to me she said she spoke to her mom and dad. She asked her mom "Are you getting a divorce?" and her mom said, "Not yet."  Then she said she ran upstairs and cried.

I have a feeling she’s gonna move away or something bad is gonna happen. How do I keep my best friend and still help her through this? How do I ever go over to her house without doing something that will upset her or her parents? HOW CAN I HELP when I am one of the only friends who she has told??

~got my bff’s back! 

Hey girl, this is quite the sticky sitch, but it’s so awesome you have your BFF’s back! You’re a great friend and she’s super lucky to have you. Now, more than ever, it’s important for you to be the best BFF you can be.

Because your friend may feel uncomfortable at home, she may want to spend more time outside of her house—whether it’s at the mall or chilling at your casa. Try to be as helpful as possible. If she wants to talk about what’s going on, then listen. If she just wants to pretend like nothing’s happening, then distract her with a Girls’ Night In complete with pedicures and chick flicks.

Don’t pressure her to talk if she’s not ready, or it could make the situation worse. Instead, let her know you’ll listen when she wants to let it out. You could say, “I know you’re going through a tough time and you may not want to talk about it yet. That’s cool. But when you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

When your friend does finally open up, don’t try to be a superhero and solve all her problems for her. If she asks for your advice, then you can give your opinion. Also, don’t tell her you know what she’s going through if you have no idea. It will only make her feel worse. Most importantly, ask your friend what you can do to help. She’ll appreciate your kindness and friendship. Best of luck, hon!

Lots of love,

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7/21/2009 7:00:00 AM