For months, Natalie has been going out with juicy Josh, making her the envy of all her friends. Josh is a star athlete, star pupil and even starred in the school play (no kidding). He’s all-around practically, well, perfect.

Best of all, he’s all Natalie’s. Or is he? Before Natalie knows what hit her, her so-called BFF has moved in and—wham!—Josh and Amanda are suddenly an item. How could Amanda do this? She and Natalie have been best friends since kindergarten!

Not only that, but Amanda thought she and Josh were tight, solid. If Natalie had known what to look for, there’s a good shot she could have avoided being blindsided by the romance that was brewing between her BF and BFF. No matter how out-of-the-blue a BFF/BF hookup might seem, there are signals—subtle as they may be—that say, “Hey, honey, your friend and boyfriend are red-hot for each other.” Here are some danger signs.…

• Your GF is asking a lot of questions about your guy. And not just the “what did you do on your date?” kind.
• She acts shy when he’s around or giggles at every word he says. Even when it’s not funny.
• She’s talking to you less and less. And when she does talk to you, she acts guilty or wants to start an argument.
• She suddenly copies your style and acts more like you. After all, you were able to attract his attention.

Anything here seem familiar? Could be time to confront your friend. But do it casually. Don’t flat-out accuse her of trying to snag your guy. Just say something like, “Hey, I doubt you would ever let a boy come between our friendship, but you really seem to like my BF.” At this point, your pal might ’fess up and tell you she’s sweet for your sweetie.

If your friend doesn’t admit to having a crush and you’re still suspicious about her motives, understand that she may not even realize she’s crushing on your BF. And remember, a boyfriend can’t be stolen unless he wants to be, which brings us to the flip side of the coin. What if your boyfriend is the one with the wandering eyes? Guys are a little harder to read, but here are some things to watch out for.…

• He’s different whenever she’s around. He quits holding your hand and doesn’t seem to pay as much attention to you.
• He does to her what he used to do to you. Meaning, he teases her, messes up her hair or playfully pokes her in the arm.
• He asks questions about her. Like, “Does she have a boyfriend?”
• You tell him you think your BFF is crushing on him. And he smiles and tells you it’s no big deal.

Feeling that indeed your boyfriend is crushing on your best friend? Talk to him about it. Ask him straight-up in a non-combative way if he really likes her. Try something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been paying more attention to my friend. What do you think of her?” If you approach him with words that say, “I’m not going to die if we break up,” he’ll be more likely to come out with his true feelings.

1. Your BF admits liking your BFF. Sorry, but in this case, the best thing to do is end the relationship with your boyfriend. Even if your friend has no intention of returning his affection, this will never work. You will always wonder, “Does he like her more than he likes me?” It will inevitably do a number on your friendship, as well, because there’s a good chance you’ll wind up resenting your bud just for being liked by your guy. Sure, it’s not her fault and, logically, you know that. But, emotionally, it’d be a lot harder to deal with.

2. Your BFF admits liking your BF. Don’t blow a gasket! She’s not the first girl who’s ever crushed on a BFF’s BF. The important thing is that you’ve gotten the issue out in the open so you two can hash it out…rationally. If your BFF is truly your friend, she won’t pursue a relationship with your dude, so carry on. If she does go after your guy? It’s better to find out now that you can’t trust this gal than to be hit with it down the road.

3. Your BF and BFF like each other, but not like that. Phew! Wipe that brow. Obviously, this is the ideal situation. You thought your best girl and guy were ga-ga for each other, but they’re so not. A little paranoia, perhaps? Maybe, but it’s great that you were able to ask and get to the core of the sitch. You’ve cleared the air, so your mind won’t play any more tricks on you. And it rocks that two important people in your life actually have a decent rapport.

4. Your BF and BFF both like each other, like that. Yes, it’s hurtful, but here’s the thing. You suspected, you confronted, you got the truth. It stinks, but it beats the two of them sneaking around behind your back (a la Natalie). It took guts for them to admit to you their feelings for each other, but it’s not unreasonable for you to ask them to show some respect by giving you time to sort through this. If they’re truly meant to be together, it can wait, right? If they care about you, no need for an in-your-face, full-on relationship at this point.

The lesson here? People can’t control their feelings, but they can control their actions—and that includes you! So while it sucks to have your BFF crushing on your BF or vice versa, it’s (honestly!) not the end of the world—or your mutual friendships. If you can muster up the courage to bring the issue out in the open, you’ll give your best bud and BF a chance to prove they’re the friends you want them to be—and shake those three’s-a-crowd blues.

by Julia Nielsen | 2/1/2016