Here's how to have the "What are we?" talk

So you're months into your relationship and things are going, well, just fine. In fact, the only problem with you relationship is this: Are you even in a relationship? You're pretty sure they're not seeing other people *and* you're talking and hanging out constantly, but the lack of a label is still unnerving. Here's how to get up the courage to set the record straight. 

Assess the sitch

Before you reach out to them (in person! Text is not the vibe for this), decide for yourself what you want the outcome of your convo to be. Are you hoping they become your boyfriend/girlfriend and then you two can carry on as usual? Or are you secretly hoping the convo gives you an opening to voice your concerns? If it's more like option #2, consider approaching the convo in a more upfront way, getting right to the point of cutting things off. It'll be awkward at first, no doubt, but worth it in the long run. If you're hoping for an outcome like option #1, keep reading for ways to get the ball rolling.

Conversation starters

Of course, you've been creating a hundred different possible scenarios of how this could go, so trying to have a convo IRL that doesn't sound totally scripted is tough. Here are some ways to bring the topic up:

"So my cousin asked if I have a boyfriend, and I realized we never really made it official..."
This phrasing is an effective way to give your crush time to weigh their decision. They might take a minute and put themselves in your shoes to come up with an answer. They might also just say, "Oh, yeah, of course I'm your boyfriend," which would be so much weight off your shoulders.  

*introducing them to someone* "This is my girlfriend, [name]." *see how they react*
This is definitely a sneakier way to see if your crush considers things official. It avoids the awkward inserting-the-topic-into-the-convo step but risks having to have an even more awkward conversation later if your crush wasn't cool with that title. 

*headed to an event* "How should I introduce you to people?"
The more direct version of the starter above, this question is sure to get a genuine response from your crush, considering it kind of puts them on the spot. It either gives you a quick answer or opens up the floor for a more in-depth chat—both positive options. 

"I can't believe we met X months ago! Remember how you..."
Starting a convo like this gives the perfect opportunity to assess your relationship thus far and make sure your ideas for the future are in alignment. It will give you the chance to recap how things have been going and make sure you're making the best decision for yourself.  

The most important thing to remember before having this talk is to be authentic. The best way to bring up this topic is the one that makes *you* the most comfortable. Even though it's an awkward sitch, you should still stick to your gut and say what feels best. You got this!

Need more advice? Look no further:
💟 22 fun questions to ask your bae to get closer than ever
💟 10 random (but cute) convo starters to text your crush
💟 5 green flags to look for in a new relationship

Want us to address your specific crush concerns? Write to us here!

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Slider via @annaxsitar


by Riley Yates | 5/7/2022