My Brother Puts Me Down

Help!! My older brother is always putting me down and making me feel really bad about myself. He also lies if he does something bad, and blames it on me. He's been doing this ever since I can remember. It makes me feel small and insignificant. Because of this I have low self-esteem and low self-confidence


I've talked to my brother and my parents, but my parents say, "Just deal with it. People will do this to you your entire life. This is like practice for the real world."


I've tried to just deal with it, but I’m still feeling bad about myself. How do I get my brother to understand I hate it when he does these things?


Ahh! Brothers can be the biggest pain!  I have a brother, too, and he's always done the exact same thing to me. It can really get annoying when they don't stop or don't understand that they're actually upsetting you. Having parents that won't set ‘em straight can also be unfortunate.


Keep Talking
I think it's important to keep talking to your brother.  You need to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him. Let him know that he's really hurting you and that it's not funny when he does these things.  Him putting you down is making you so much more self-conscious. He needs to understand that what he’s doing is not right.


Be Honest About Your Feelings
Showing him that you're really, truly upset about it will alter the way he's been treating you.  Sometimes brothers really don't get it. They think that they can mess around without hurting your feelings. Showing him how much you care what he says can make a world of difference. He should feel guilty for the things he says and does and for the effect they’ve had on your self-esteem.


Take the High Road
Don't forget that it's always better to take the higher road.  If he's picking on you or saying mean things, just walk
away and remind yourself that he's not worth it.  You don't need to feel bad about yourself, especially because of your own brother and you definitely don’t’ need to stoop to his level. 


Being the more mature person is the way to go, especially since he's actually older than you.  Ignoring his gestures and attitude will make his words insignificant. Hopefully he'll realize that you really don't care what he thinks—even if you really do, at heart. When he sees that his bad behavior isn’t getting a rise out of you anymore, maybe he’ll knock it off.


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by Natalie Vargas | 2/1/2016
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