Dear Carol

"Dear Carol, I have a crush on my friend of almost 11 years"

Dear Carol, 

I have a crush on a girl. Like me, she's also bi, but the problem is that we've been friends for almost 11 years. If I tell her, I'm scared it's going to mess things up. But I also don't want to keep this to myself. 

-  Bi Panic

Dear Bi Panic,

Is there a reason to panic? Must you rush your crush? Time itself will help you sort this out. For now, can you keep enjoying your friendship? Try to notice if she is giving you any telling signals, like touching your arm or gazing into your eyes. Sure, you could flat-out say: "I have a crush on you," but if you do, you can't un-say it. And you're right that this will change the energy, so it is a risk that may not be worth taking, at least not yet (and not until you suspect the feelings are mutual). After all, a sentence like that demands a response, and that can lead to disappointment. Often it's better (and safer) to show than to tell. My advice: Proceed with caution. 

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books including GirltalkSpeed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit

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by GL | 6/14/2023